Putting the Fast in Breakfast

Generally speaking, my time spent in the car is as uneventful as the next guy’s. It typically involves me listening to music, talking on the cell phone, and seeking out my next blog topic. This probably explains the recent rash of traffic-related posts. Or at least explains why it appears I’m laughing maniacally in a car with no other passengers.

(Muwahaha.)

The muse of inspiration, however, was riding shotgun late Saturday night, convincing me to relay the following narrative to you. You see, I was driving home from Manassas after eating too much at a barbeque and doing some new apartment-related tasks, when I stopped at a recently-installed red light. For those who have not experienced the mean streets of Manassas at night, let me paint the scene for you. To my left, a Dodge Ram pulling a trailer containing a homemade NASCAR, likely on his way to the nearby racetrack. To my right, a motorcycle, whose rider had a “Cat: The Other White Meat” bumper sticker on his helmet.

Now Manassas is not all Harley and Hemi, it’s also got the same suburban culture that every DC metro town has. This was represented by the midnight blue PT Cruiser in front of me. In addition, a red 2000+ Mustang convertible, top-down. Two normal looking cars at a normal intersection, waiting for the normal traffic light to turn colors.Then normal got thrown out the window.
When the light turned green, I moved my right foot from brake to gas, and began my gradual acceleration. The aforementioned Cruiser and Cobra, on the other hand, had taken the immediate acceleration approach. Like a bat out of hell, the two tore off the line and were traveling far faster than and sisterhood of pants ever could. Now I’ve seen street racing in this area every now and then, but those cars are normally souped up Jettas and Civics with ridiculous spoilers and flames on the doors. Not a sensible PT Cruiser and his Mustang friend.

Curious, I kept an eye on them as their taillights became an increasingly distant memory. Wrapping around a turn, they disappeared from view. I was left with unanswered questions and the smell of burnt rubber.Until…

The nice thing in times like these is that the system engineers who designed the nocturnal traffic patterns in Manassas are idiots. Soon enough, I had caught up to the speed demons at the crossing of Liberia and Route 28. It’s one of the longest traffic lights and most painful. But it did let me catch up, and thus continue the story.

While waiting at this light I noticed the driver of the convertible. A man and woman, likely married, in their late 40s-early 50s. One would think that they had grown past the “speeding for no reason” stage of their lives.

As the light turned green, both cars again tore around the right turn and sped down Route 28. It was then, on the turn, that I got a good glimpse at the occupants of the PT Cruiser. Another couple, same age.

What the?

While I tailed them, pondering their actions, the two cars simultaneously threw on their right blinkers as they arrived at their final destination. My question had been answered. Apparently there is a force in the universe that can cause two responsible married couples to drive recklessly through the streets without any regard for personal safety. A magnetic factor so great that the pedal remains to the metal. I had seen their final destination. And of all the places in the world, the PT Cruiser and the Mustang parked…

At IHOP.

I’m speechless. What do they put in those pancakes?