I may be Brawny, but I'm no Hardy

I should be better at this.When I was younger, there was much more free time. One thing you’ll find out (if you haven’t been to college yet), is once you reach that level of education, and afterwards, the working world, leisure reading becomes scarce. You spend so much time during your day devoting ocular attention towards textbooks, e-mails, reports, and ahem, blogs, you are much rather inclined to go home at day’s end at plow through a DVD or whatever sitcom TBS is showing for the eleventy billionth time. But when you’re younger, you’ve got time. Time for the Hardy Boys.

What Frank and his brother Joe accomplished in 58 hardcover blue books over a span of 50 years of sleuthing is unparalleled. There was no place Frank and Joe wouldn’t go. Old mills, cliffs, spooky towers, caves, sinister signposts – they had they fortitude to venture to the locales where the Scooby Doo gang would call it a day (assuming they could run home without being stuck pumping their legs in mid-air.) However, while offshoots, spinoffs, and sellouts continue to be churned out by greedy publishers, the original set of 58 prove that the authentic Hardy Boys have been out of work since 1979. Hey fellas, go get Chet and his jalopy and get back on the trail. It’s time to work!

Case #59 – The Wedding Reception Artifact

This is why I need the Hardy Boys to help out. I have tried my hand at super sleuthing, and I got back to Square 1 faster than the Vikings could say “Ship’s Ahoy.” You see, shortly after the wedding, Katie and I headed into Jersey (not to escape the terror – name that lyric ref.) but to see the family. What we returned with was the center of the mystery – a digital camera that somebody left at our wedding, some three weeks earlier.

Ok – so think, Condon. You’ve got a digital camera. It’s an HP, and as the evidence lies, it was found on the head table while everyone was exiting after the Charlie Daniels Danceoff. So let’s see, let’s enter the location of head table into the evidence.

Evidence #1: Artifact found at head table.

So this, logically, should narrow the list of possible camera owners to 14. And I’ll rule out both Katie and myself, since I have factual evidence that’s not our camera. So that makes 12 – a dozen people who are missing their wedding photographic memories. Wait a minute – that’s right! There’s more evidence on the camera! Let’s just turn it on and find out what pictures there are…

Evidence #2: A 3 second accidental video.

Clearly, the photographer did not realize that they were filming at the time. But upon further review, the video does reveal some alarming clues. It’s a capture of people’s feet on the elaborate hotel carpet of the Marriott. Most notably, the photgrapher’s shoes. BLACK AND SHINY. With our rental homogeneity, it is clear to me that the suspect must be one of the groomsmen! Ah ha! Make that 6 people.

Ok, so there’s like no pictures on this camera – except one. It’s a picture of a blue sky and clouds – nothing special. EXCEPT – it’s taken through the window of an airplane!

Evidence #3: A digital picture taken through the window of an airplane!

Let’s see. Best Man Mellor lives in Virginia. So do Above-average Men Caro and Pretz. AAM Brescia came from Delaware and drove down at 88 miles an hour. AAM Reif, despite being a Tennessean, actually drove as well. That leaves one and only one suspect.

Him: Hello?
Me: Hey Nordberg, it’s Chris. Guess what! I have your digital camera you left at the wedding! Please, shower me with praise and thanks!
Him: Uhh… (pause) I don’t own a digital camera. Click.

Anyone missing a camera?