Funkytown, MD

Is it wrong to lie to children?In most instances, I would say yes. Kids, despite popular belief, are just smaller versions of adults and what’s more, they get to play with Legos way more than their taller counterparts. At young ages, a constant learning process is being undertaken, as the youth of today exhibit the curiosity and thirst for information that will make them the doctors, lawyers, businesspeople, and funnybringers of tomorrow. That said, the YAB staff, like every campaigning politician, is pro-education for kids.

(Just once, I would love to see this billboard – Vote Watkins – He’s Anti-Education.)

However, my pro-education platform does have one fringe group which we here at YAB would not like to support. When it comes to learning, as far as we’re concerned, they’re on their own. Yes, that’s right – it’s the “Co-worker’s Kid who is Bored at Work” demographic. Look, I understand when circumstances leave a parent with no choice but to bring their kid to work. But if that’s going to happen, please extend some professional courtesy and make sure he/she stays in your office. Bring toys, DVDs, doesn’t matter to me. I can’t get work done when being forced to play 20 questions with a 7 year-old.

Take Emily. Please.

Emily is a little girl who is in that “People think I’m cute, and I know it!” phase of childhood. She prances around our office every few weeks and disrupts productivity like a Quintin Mikell to a field goal attempt. In fact, I think on a prior visit I even threatened to put her to work. But today, I just can’t deal with the incessant questions, as I have too much to do in too little time. And since more often than not she chooses to make my cubicle her home base for the day, I feel more than obligated – it’s not just a right but a duty – to score one for the many working professionals who have to deal with similar problem children.

Young Emily, with her half-eaten breakfast, reckless demeanor, and enough Disney band-aids to patch the hole in the ozone, appeared yet again today, as she had convinced her mother that she was too sick to go to school (her mother figured out by the time she was zooming around our office that she was in fact okay and sent her back to school for the afternoon session. Hee-yah!). Today’s fixation was with her diary. As she sat across from me while I tried to do more important things (like blogging), she scribbled away, probably writing about how conniving she was, flipped to the section in the back: Address Book. I saw this out of the corner of my eye, and prepared for the big question: “Where do you live?”

Yep, it’s payback time.

“I live on 1-2-3 Main Street.” (she writes this down as absolute truth, never considering the fact that I might share this residence with every person who has ever been a sample credit card applicant, potential voter, or sample citizen at the United States Post Office. Like I said, no questions on this one.) ”What town do you live in?”

“Funkytown, Maryland.”

After some initial doubting, Emily went to others’ offices to verify my home location. While said others were not very helpful in the convincing, it gave me the time to change my address to 123 Main Street, Funkytown, MD in my Microsoft Outlook Contacts. So when she came back as a splitting image of Doubting Thomas, all I had to do was turn my monitor and show her the cold hard facts on the computer screen.

You’re a Blog: Outsmarting 7-year olds since 2004.