It was Written in Numbers

If you wanted to win, then you should have tried a little harder.

In 6th grade, I had a reading teacher named Mrs. Etue. This woman scared the hell out of me. Before her, I had always given the “Scariest Woman Ever” to the Sherriff of Notthingham’s witchy advisor Mortianna. But once I met my match in the classroom, Mortianna could go back to, well, whatever it is that recluse hags that live in castle abbeys do in their free time.

Etue, who could have been Ron Artest in an educator’s clothing, made us read “The Lottery,” a short story by Shirley Jackson. What a messed-up tale to make a 12 year-old read. I hate to spoil it for you, but the premise is simple. A town kills one person every year (reasons unknown), and the selection is made by a random lottery of all the townspeople. It’s just something they do in Weirdsville. YAB is in no way endorsing such practice, as we feel that such protocol has become highly unnecessary. Ok, unless you are the Minnesota Vikings and need something else to do this weekend.

I’m glad the word “lottery” no longer has the definition of “obscure method of population control.” Instead, the connotation of the word now reads as “popular method by which hard work and achievement are deemed irrelevant for riches, as luck and $2 will suffice.” The winner no longer gets a one-way ticket to the cemetery. They now get $340 million dollars. Yeah, that sounds like a WAY better deal.

Powerball is a national lottery that is held in 27 states, Washington DC, and the US Virgin Islands. I have no idea why some states choose to participate and others do not, but let’s make one thing clear. No one will EVER win in the US Virgin Islands. I know every ticket has an equal chance to be the winner, but the odds are stacked against you, folks. Your entire island’s population is the size of Waterbury, Connecticut’s. Save your money, convince Puerto Rico to merge with ya, and then challenge North Dakota in a knife fight, winner takes statehood. But I digress.

As I alluded to in my opening, the $340mil Powerball drawing had one lucky winner last night who had all 5 numbers and the Powerball right. The ticket was sold in Oregon (not exactly neighbors on the map with U.S.V.I., I might add.) and somebody got all 6 right. They say the odds in pulling that off was 1 in 146 million. Fair enough. But is there a way the YAB community could have come together to predict that digital sextet?

Looking at the numbers that were drawn – 7, 21, 43, 44, 49 and a PB of 29 – there’s gotta be a pattern. And it has to be simpler than calculating an NFL quarterback rating.

7 makes sense. It’s the luckiest number around. Highest probability of coming up in a dice roll. PowerBall gods also like to get people’s hopes up. Anyone should have seen this coming.

21 is also a lucky number, thanks to BlackJack. Now only gamblers would have this one. Or those who think they know how to gamble because they’ve seen Rounders and Swingers a few too many times.

43 is a holy number in the sporting world – the former car number of racing legend Richard Petty. Other than #3 (Earnhardt), no one may be more revered.

44 is a sign of the twin. Double numbers have a way of appearing in elite company. I can totally understand how one ended up in the PowerBall sequence. Twins would have seen this coming – I do only because I hang out with Nordbergs.

49 is your one place where luck is present. The 4 shows the number of leaves on a clover, and the 9 is for the lucky nature of our feline friends.

29 is really kind of a hint at humor from the PB gods. In the US Code, Title 29 is the section regarding LABOR. And if you picked this as your PowerBall, you’re never going to have to work again.

So, would the Oregonian NASCAR freak who frequents Vegas with his twin brother and 29 cats please step forward and claim thy winnings?