A Thimble Full of Fries

I don’t care what silly toys go into Happy Meals. I don’t care what Disney movie signs an exclusive licensing deal with any fast food establishment. I don’t care what kind of special burger or chicken sandwich you can conjure up. I don’t care that you’re willing to throw in fries for a low, low price. I don’t care if you sneak a fry into your onion rings. And I don’t care if you have football playing royalty, giant purple Grimaces, or commercials with celebrities hawking your product even thought there’s NO way they eat it on a regular basis. You can take all of these promotional methods and throw them out the window of a drive-thru. In my mind thing, one thing is certain.

The single best fast food promotion of ALL TIME is McDonald’s Monopoly Game.

There are many snack products out there that offer you chances to win fantastic prizes by revealing what’s behind the label or under the cap. But as fun as cashing in a bottle cap to a confused merchant for another free Sprite is, the chance to win fantastic prizes by getting all three properties in a color group (not to mention a railroad quartet) proves way better. Not that I’ve ever won, but still.

But man, I’ve tried. In the bleak midwinter of 2000, I entered into a sacred pact. Knowing that the sheer buying power of one man (even a fast-food junkie like Nordberg) wouldn’t get anyone a yacht, home theater or a Money Bin anytime soon, Pax Mcnoplia was formed. It simply stated that the undersigned sextet of Mellor, Fraser, Reif, Condon, Viehweg, and Nordberg would combine their efforts and properties in order to form a winning combination. Any garnered prizes would be split six-ways between all Pax members (after taxes, which a payable to Mayor McCheese.) Curiously, one involved party (ends in –rockmorton) declined admittance. And no one is quite sure why.

However, despite the competitive spirit with which Pax Mcnoplia was penned, we didn’t come away victorious. Just sick of French Fries. I guess there was a few factors getting in the way. First, we all had meal plans on campus, which often seemed like a better option that spending my hard-earned Dean of Students minimum wages. Second, we didn’t account for the Hamburglar – I think Dave might have had the elusive Oriental Ave piece on his hash browns one morning, but as fast as you can say ‘robble, robble’ – his breakfast was gone.

It’s worth noting Sara didn’t win either. Phew.

I’m not saying that this marketing method will make families ignore their groceries and head to McD’s every night of the week. I just think that if someone needs a fast food fix, the prospect of taking some of Uncle Pennybags’ booty home will sway their vehicle in the direction of the Golden Arches. (I just wanted to see how that looked in print.)

So that brings us to 2005. Every now and then, I’ve stopped in during this sweepstakes for a drink on the way to class or a chicken sandwich on days where I don’t have time for dinner. I don’t have many game pieces, but wouldn’t you know, I’ve already got Marvin Gardens and Atlantic Avenue. Now I’m sure Ventnor Avenue must be the tricky one to get – my luck’s not that good – but 2 out of 3 ain’t bad. According to their website, if you collect all three yellow pieces, you get a private screening of the upcoming Glory Road movie and a chance to be in an upcoming Buena Vista Pictures movie. Wow! I could be famous! Hold on, let me check to see what kind of flicks they’re putting out these days.

Herbie: Fully Loaded. Sky High. Ice Princess.

On second thought, does anyone need Marvin Gardens and Atlantic?