A Hurt-ing Obituary

"WHFS, pioneering alternative rock radio station in the Washington DC Metropolitan area, died this afternoon at 12 o'clock noon. The station was 36. The sudden and untimely death was due to a bitter corporate broadcasting rivalry, where HFS' caretaker, Infinity Broadcasting, opted to end the station's life prematurely in favor of switching identity to a Spanish-language, pop music format. HFS is now survived by its replacement, elZol 99.1, who has moved in to HFS's home, eaten all their food, slept in all their beds, rearranged the furniture, and most depressingly, reprogrammed the radio dial so that evey station would be DC's new "siempre de fiesta." Local friends and loved ones of the legendary rock giant have kindly informed elZol that this is no time for a fiesta, and that the blaring trumpets, with the oh so catchy 6/8 rhythm are in poor taste while others take the neccessary time to remember our friend responsible for the annual HFStival.

At noon today, life abruptly stopped with one final spin of "Last Goodbye" by the also late Jeff Buckley. and a hundred HFS employees have been left looking for new employment. Most notably are the Sports Junkies, the morning drive-time quartet that have successfully blended rock music with sports banter, that has cause this obit writer, as well as hundreds other, to switch over from the often crass "Elliot in the Morning" on rival DC101. The Junkies became a source for trendy DC vernacular, coining phrases left and right, so effectively that their verbal work often would be referenced on DC-filmed ESPN shows, PTI and Around the Horn. They have mentioned, one their website, that they will rise again very soon, so their place in this obituary may be quite temporary. Regardless, the current state of affairs without them, is anything but "money."

One thing is certainly not temporary. WHFS has been laid to rest in Bethesda, MD, its home, and funeral arrangements will be determined at a later date, once the listening public tune in for the first time to elZol and need to grieve. And as for the good folks at Infinity Broadcasting, I hope that I will get to write a similar obit for elZol as soon as possible. Listening to rush hour traffic is more soothing."