Academy, Shmecademy Part I

Part of the fun of Oscar Party is data entry. Don’t believe me? While I sit diligently at my laptop entering in people prediction on the Oscarmatic, I may miss out on some of the delicious food, the delightful conversation, and a slew of “Death to Smoochy” jokes, I also get to avoid listening to the red carpet fashionhawks on TV. Flip to every channel, and someone lacking a soul is yapping into a microphone? Isaac Mizrahi? Ryan Seacrest? Joan Rivers? No wonder the carpet is red. It is staffed by Satan’s minions.

Anyway, here are the 12 major category results, with percentages reflecting the OPIII electorate, and the winner in bold. Like last year, I’ll cover this one, and maybe guest critic Brendan Fraser will take over.

Best Picture
Brokeback Mountain – 80%
Capote – 0%
Crash – 15%
Good Night, and Good Luck – 0%
Munich – 5%

Who I Picked: Brokeback Mountain
Who Should’ve Won: TBD
Analysis: I can’t call this one yet. With all the OPIII party planning, I didn’t get to as many flicks as I want, and one schedule casualty was Brokeback. Is Crash Best Picture worthy? Absolutely. Is Brokeback better? I can’t say just yet. Besides, it’s not that big a deal. I’m pretty sure Ledger and Gyllenhaal were in Crash too, like the rest of the Screen Actors Guild.

Best Director
George Clooney, GNGL – 15%
Paul Haggis, Crash – 0%
Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain – 70%
Bennett Miller, Capote – 0%
Steven Spielberg, Munich – 15%

Who I Picked: Ang Lee
Who Should’ve Won: Ang Lee
Analysis: The three main parts of a movie are the acting, the directing, and the writing. From what I have heard, this movie’s subtlety is what makes it shine, and that is often direction. Besides, Ang Lee totally got shafted for helming The Incredible Hulk *cough*

Best Actor
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote – 65%
Terrence Howard, Hustle & Flow – 0%
Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mtn. - 15%
Joaquin Phoenix, Walk the Line – 20%
David Strathairn, GNGL – 0%

Who I Picked: Philip Seymour Hoffman
Who Should’ve Won: Philip Seymour Hoffman
Analysis: His voice sounds like Droopy Dog on depressants. But he sticks to being Droopy the entire movie and this movie was totally reliant on him pulling off the part. Didn’t love the movie, but PSH was excellent. For the record, this result left Joaquin terribly vexed.

Best Actress
Judi Dench, Mrs. Henderson Presents – 0%
Felicity Huffman, Transamerica – 30%
Keira Knightley, Pride and Prejudice - 0%
Charlize Theron, North Country – 0%
Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line – 70%

Who I Picked: Reese Witherspoon
Who Should’ve Won: Reese Witherspoon
Analysis: Can you imagine the arguments at Reese and Ryan Phillipe’s dinner table this week? Their kids will trying and figure out which is better, a Best Actress for a mommy or Daddy being in the Best Picture. Regardless, there’s no way this family prepares their own meals.

Best Supporting Actor
George Clooney, Syriana – 40%
Matt Dillon, Crash – 5%
Paul Giamatti, Cinderella Man - 20%
Jake Gyllenhaal, Brokeback Mtn. – 35%
William Hurt, History of Violence – 0%

Who I Picked: Paul Giamatti
Who Should’ve Won: George Clooney
Analysis: Hollywood got this one right, I believe. Giamatti played a great character. Clooney created one. His diner speech is the one that sold it. And his Oscar speech was excellent. (I kind of would like to see the other 4 pull off the Batsuit. Sorry, Mr. Hurt.)

Best Supporting Actress
Amy Adams, Junebug – 5%
Catherine Keener, Capote – 5%
Frances McDormand, North Country - 5%
Rachel Weisz, Constant Gardener – 75%
Michelle Williams, Brokeback Mtn. – 10%

Who I Picked: Rachel Weisz
Who Should’ve Won: Rachel Weisz
Analysis: or Amy Adams. This was a weak category this year. Why not nominate the evil chick from Geisha? At least she could have set fire to the homes of these lackluster performances. And she would have been a hit at the Vanity Fair after-parties. Trust me. Or else.

Best Adapted Screenplay
Brokeback Mountain – 75%
Capote – 5%
Constant Gardener - 10%
History of Violence – 0%
Munich – 10%

Who I Picked: Brokeback Mountain
Who Should’ve Won: Brokeback Mountain
Analysis: or Amy Adams. This was the most frustrating thing about Capote. Some books make me want to stop reading at once and go see the movie. Capote made me want to leave the theater and go buy Capote’s book. It was the crude equivalent of Fever Pitch – the story of how you wrote the book is nice, but I want to pay attention to the content of the book. Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore were ok, but I ended up wanting to just watch more about the miracle run of the Sox.

What was I talking about again?

Best Original Screenplay
Crash – 80%
Good Night, and Good Luck – 15%
Match Point - 0%
Squid and the Whale – 0%
Syriana – 5%

Who I Picked: Crash
Who Should’ve Won: Crash
Analysis: Had this lost, it WOULD be the BIGGEST Best Picture upset of ALL TIME. I love the CAPS LOCK.

Ahem.

Best Cinematography
Batman Begins – 10%
Brokeback Mountain – 50%
Good Night, and Good Luck - 10%
Memoirs of a Geisha – 25%
The New World – 5%

Who I Picked: Brokeback Mountain
Who Should’ve Won: Brokeback Mountain
Analysis: Has Brokeback won this one, it would have been the biggest thing to happen to Wyoming since Yogi Bear tooled around their national park…wait a minute…nevermind. But didn’t Geisha seem a little dark at the beginning visually?

Best Original Score
Brokeback Mountain – 60%
Constant Gardener – 15%
Memoirs of a Geisha – 15%
Munich – 0%
Pride and Prejudice – 0%

Who I Picked: Memoirs of a Geisha
Who Should’ve Won: Brokeback Mountain
Analysis: John Williams was nominated twice in this category for Geisha and Munich. Nordberg pointed out that every Spielberg movie ever seems to have Williams conducting. He added that in Spielberg’s “Movie People Rolodex” he must flip to music, and there’s only one business card in there. Williams, John.

Best Film Editing
Cinderella Man – 10%
Constant Gardener – 15%
Crash - 70%
Munich – 10%
Walk the Line – 5%

Who I Picked: Crash
Who Should’ve Won: Crash
Analysis: Since 1981, every Best Picture winner has at least got a nomination for editing. Had Brokeback won, it would have put the editors to shame. Conclusion: Don’t mess with editors – they’ll find a way to quit you.

Best Animated Feature
Howl’s Moving Castle – 0%
Corpse Bride – 20%
Wallace and Gromit – 80%

Who I Picked: Wallace and Gromit
Who Should’ve Wallace and Gromit
Analysis: I feel comfortably ruling out Corpse Bride. Apparently Howl’s was easier to follow that Sprited Away, but it’s nice to see Nick Park get an Oscar since Pixar phoned it in.

As promised, I will take off tomorrow in lieu of Mr. Monkeybone himself, Brendan Fraser.