Words on a Blog

The internet is flying with rumors that New Line Cinema is gearing up for some emergency reshoots for their August-planned blockbuster thriller simply called “Snakes on a Plane.” Featuring Samuel L. Jackson as the hero, this movie had signed up the minute he heard the movie’s title. I like that about Jackson. It’s a ridiculous premise, and will do little to improve his track record after Freedomland and the Eugene Levy flick “The Man,” but you gotta love that moxie. He’s entering Christopher Walken territory, methinks.

Reportedly, the movie was being touted as a PG-13 flick, but the internet’s vested interest has allowed New Line to green light cash to throw in some R scenes. Now IMDB’s News team can’t hold a candle to YABNews, but we had to laugh with this line closing this morning’s report: The film-makers have reportedly added more gore, more deaths, more nudity and more snakes to the finished product.

Who’s doing the news over there? Dennis Miller?

Anyway, despite one of the best movie names in years, YAB is incredibly cautious about this flick. Branding, in the marketing world, is the easiest way to grab your customer’s attention, no doubt. But you’ll need a product to back up the name if you want them coming back for more. Case in point: Monster.Com. This sounded like an excellent website. Turns out job searching is not as cool as a website devoted to monsters. Buzzkill.

From the people attached, I’m worried for Snakes on a Plane.

Let’s start with the star. Samuel L. Jackson is one of those actors who can do action and comedy simultaneously, as Bruce Willis perfected during Die Hard. I have no doubt in his abilities. But will he be able to keep it together? How can you say some of the lines needed to make this a believable plot without thinking this is just one long SNL sketch. In FACT, this WAS an SNL sketch in the early Will Ferrell years, and it WAS hilarious.

Let’s move off of SLJ and turn to our faithful director David R. Ellis. No? That’s because this is only his fourth movie, and his priors include Final Destination II and even better, Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Francisco. (His proposed titles, of course, were “Death on the Way” and “Pets on a Trolley.”) But that’s not what signing a guy like David R. Ellis truly brings to your picture. While he may have only directed three other movies, he an industry veteran. According to IMDB, Mr. Ellis has 65 credits as a STUNTMAN. Granted he has not done stunts for ten years, but he went out on top in the world of defying death. His final stunt project? Harriet the Spy.

I can’t make this stuff up.

Let’s finally move on to who I believe will play the villain and keeper of all things slithering: Byron Lawson. Never heard of ‘em? That’s not a problem. Movie villains are often best when you’ve never seen them before. Alan Rickman’s first movie was Die Hard. Enough said. But Byron Lawson, he’s an industry veteran as well. He’s done mostly TV work, but his most recent movie appearance should quell all fears of a subpar choice. After all, Lawson was in the Jet Li flick “Romeo Must Die.” That’s awesome! That had some great fights in it! What did he play, you ask? Oh.

Head Guard, Hsing Kang Prison

Like I said, things aren’t looking so good for New Line Cinema here. And I highly doubt this one makes the in-flight rotation for United Air, either. That could get dicey.