Leg Set to Vibrate?

Once in a while, my boss will find that he’s got too many things on his plate to handle for the day. As the Deputy Controller, this affects me directly. Why? Because this gives him opportunity to step up and spin the old WHEEL OF DELEGATION.

(And yet, Pat Sajak is nowhere to be found.)

Whatever it lands on is what I get to do. For the most part, most wedges on the wheel are pretty mundane – cost analyses, systems analyses, break-even ratio analyses – hmm, I sense a trend here – and I have no problem stepping up and doing them. But as he had been inundated with meetings this week, the wheel was spun and it looks like I was to be pinch hitting in Finance’s spot in the order of a 2 hour sales pitch from one of our vendors. Eech.

This particular vendor is one we already employ to do many of our mail, reception, and conference center operations in our various corporate locations. They do good work and this is no way a presentation to try and save their jobs. No, this is a presentation about how they can sell us more business. But the sales pitch came across like we’ve never even heard of them. Confused?

What if this was a street vendor, like the guys out by Foggy Bottom in DC. You’ve been buying a hot dog on the way to the Metro every day for the last three years. You like the hot dog, it makes a good snack. But one day out of nowhere, the vendor tries to explain to you how delicious the hot dog is. In addition, he tells you how much better this hot dog can be, if you would like ketchup or mustard on it. He’s even got a 2 hour Power Point presentation to convince you to buy the hot dog that you were going to purchase anyway. When that’s all said and done, you just shrug, buy the hot dog as is and head on your way.

Did somebody mention food?

What was so great about this particular meeting that it has so warranted a Friday late-afternoon blogging session? The two hour sales pitch was from 11-1, and the vendor was so kind as to CATER it. That’s right – free food. As the caterer showed up about 40 minutes into the presentation with trays of sandwiches, salad, cookies, and drinks, my mouth began to water.

Remind me to take the WHEEL OF DELEGATION out for happy hour. This assignment rules!

But what goes up in Karma-land, must come down.

At a good stopping point, the vendor agreed that we should take five to prepare our plates and then return to the presentation. And in full kiss-up mode, he was gracious and insisted the clients dine first. (Read: Us.) As a readjusted in my seat and said “Thank You,” I realized one fateful monkeywrench in this plan.

My leg was asleep.

I’m not talking just a numbness in my foot. I’m talking top-to-bottom-groin-to-toe, pulsating, uneasy, pins-and-or-needles, pain engulfing the entire extremity. If I got up then and there, I guarantee you I’d be face first on the floor in 2.4 seconds. What does one do in such a situation? Deny the vendor’s graciousness? Go without lunch? Panic at the disco?

You fake a cell phone call.

As if the vibrating of my entire leg was a prophecy, I picked up my phone and talked for 45 seconds until I regained feeling. The call had to be urgent enough to keep me from getting up but not too urgent that they would think I would have to exit immediately. If you are ever in a similar situation, I suggest this. Works like a charm.