The Sixth Cents

On Wall Street, thousands of brokers, I-bankers, and internship lackeys spend their days amidst the hustle and bustle, watching money change hands and change values in a matter of seconds. Fortunes are made, and then instantaneously lost. Ticker tape is in as much abundance as a post-World Series Wednesday in Chicago, and people on the floor are doing what they can to get every last nickel, dime, and quarter out of the open market and into the respective accounts of who they work for.

Coincidentally, the same can be said for our apartment.

For those who have yet to take their vows of matrimony, let us educate you with a new twist on intra-couple finance 101. From the moment the two of you say, “I Do” (preferably in front of someone who could then pronounce you man and wife), what is yours and hers magically becomes “ours.” That includes the furniture you can’t let go of from your college days. That includes that stack of bridal magazines in the corner (hey, they may not be useful to you, but you are now a co-owner of said stack.) And, of course, that includes any stocks, bonds, and cash that either of you possess. Welcome to joint banking. Co-signing is your friend.

But spare change? That’s a completely different story.

In our household, there’s a little game simply known as “Coinstars.” Why it is plural, I have no idea. This may not be a national phenomenon, but it should be. Perhaps at your local supermarket, there’s an ominous green arcade game out in the lobby where you get your shopping cart. It’s very easy to play. You put all your loose change in a basket. The magical arcade game keeps it all. A majority of your spare change’s value is then printed out on a tiny piece of paper that shoots out of the machine. You then take it to the closest cashier for paper money. If you’re lucky, you’ll have enough to buy Water Works and the Electric Company.

Needless to say, Change is good.

For single people, the accumulation of this coinage is simple. At the end of your day, empty thy pockets into a basket/cup/mug designated for change (and not coffee – yech). After so many months, turn it in for what seems like free money.

When it’s a two player game, the rules change. Katie and I have been testing the groundwork for months, and the competition is indeed intense. Remember all that stuff about joint banking? Coinstars is a complete exception. What you cash in at the supermarket is yours to do with whatever you please. You could buy a DVD, or a nice skirt. (No jokes about who bought what…) It’s up to you.
This makes change a high demand currency.

Since I am the one most likely to be dangling change like a busted-up modifier, Katie has the most to gain here, by intercepting any change I bring into the apartment. With this in mind, we have had to devise some rules. There are as follows:

- Once change is in one of the respective cups, it is safe and cannot be stolen.
- If change hits the floor, it is open game.
- If change is on a surface, like a counter or table, it is also open game.
- If change is still in a pocket, it is open game, but be prepared to have to fight your way to your cup.

I’d write more, but I just realized I have 37 cents in my coat pocket. And I’d like to keep it that way.