Some Assembly Required

I’m Bob Vila, but without the resemblance to a koala bear.

One of the many joys of having a child is the new-found sense of accomplishment you develop. You see, the last few weeks prior to your first child’s arrival will culminate in a mad dash to prepare your home for the little one. You do a remarkable amount of work to make sure everything looks nice and neat, but for reasons unknown. I don’t think your new son or daughter is going to notice if the kitchen is spotless. Heck, before yours she’s never even seen a kitchen before. And if you try and explain to her what it does, that’ll confuse her more. Every kitchen she’s seen consists of a tube with a direct line to Mommy.

Cleaning aside, there is preparation that will be useful and necessary, and therefore of the utmost importance. You see, babies don’t use the same furniture that we do. They fall between couch cushions. They feel like they’re in the middle of the desert should you place them on the center of your bed. There’s just nothing but fabric for miles and miles. Babies can’t use your chairs, either. It’s not that they don’t appreciate your chairs – they’re just not exactly designed for practical usage. Just like baby’s neck.

Between baby showers and mega-sprees at places like Babies R Us, new parents can accumulate quite the array of boxes for which they must find temporary storage for. You see, there’s a finite window of preparation that seems acceptable, and very often, when one receives these boxes (that therein lay baby-type furniture); it may be months before they’ll actually be put to good use. Build that crib too early, and house guests might think you’re a little crazy – a real Christmas in July scenario. Build that bouncy chair too late, and visitors wonder if you’re waiting until the kid actually asks for a bouncy chair to construct. And if you have a child that can actually form the sentence, “Mother I would like to utilize a contraption that will suspend me above the carpet, yet allow for minor vertical vacillations with minimal amplitude.” – get thee to MENSA.

And with pending baby at any real moment (scary, no?), this is where dad gets to shine. Mom’s been the MVP of this whole pregnancy deal to date, leading the team and doing the heavy lifting – home runs and RBIs. Dad has played a support role to date, maybe chipping in singles and stolen bases to the team effort. Well with boxes overcrowding the future room of the child, it’s time for the patriarch to line a double into the gap, no?

Let’s build some baby stuff.

My history in construction is limited. I think I built a bookshelf in Woodshop in 7th grade that while structurally sound, has never actually been used. I made a birdhouse once that was a great success, but it’s not exactly like birds are very picky when it comes to their real estate. I’m an Ikea aficionado, and I am the ultimate architect for all things Lego. But for the building of items that will directly affect the future safety of my own kid?

Yeah, no pressure.