R.O.C.K. with the C.I.A.

Disclaimer: Late nights and blogging routine does not coherence make.

So last night was the culmination (CUL-MIN-A-TION) of all the hours of coordination and slave labor as required by ny marketing management course. For a re-cap of what it's all about, either 1)do the Hokey Poley or 2) go back and read the Intelligence Matters post again. And since this was a CIA career recruiting infosession, we'll be bloggifying as if this were my specific orders from Headquarters.

CIA RECRUITING OPERATION: DAS RE-CRUIT
AGENT: CAPUT MAGNUM
WINDOW: 30 NOV 2004 1830-2030 HRS

MISSION: INFLUENCE OPINION ON THE GEORGE WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY CAMPUS SO THAT HEADQUARTERS IS PERCEIVED AS AN EMPLOYER OF CHOICE. LAUNCH PRE-EMPTIVE STRIKE, UTILIZING ADVERTISING AND PUBLIC RELATIONS CAPABILITIES AND TECHNOLOGY, TO ATTRACT STUDENTS TO AFOREMENTIONED INFORMATIONAL BRIEFING. ENTICE STUDENTS TO ATTEND USING ACTIVITIES, RAFFLE PRIZES, FREE FOOD, ANYTHING APPEALING TO TARGET AUDIENCE. KEY WORD IS FREE, AGENT MAGNUM. MISSION SUCCESS THRESHOLD: ATTENDANCE OF 50 GWU STUDENTS.

OBJECTIVES:
VACATE THE VENUE: WHEN YOU ARRIVE AT THE LOCATION, SET UP THE ROOM FOR THE BRIEFING. PRIOR INTELLIGENCE INDICATED THE COAST WOULD BE CLEAR, BUT A NEW TWIST HAS DEVELOPED. AN UPPER-LEVEL MATHEMATICS COURSE IS OCCUPYING THE VENUE UNTIL 10 MINUTES BEFORE THE PLANNED BRIEFING. USHER CONFUSED PROFESSOR OUT OF THE ROOM, NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES HE INSISTS HE HAS OFFICE HOURS IN THE ROOM SCHEDULED FOR THE NEXT TWO HOURS. KINDLY EXPLAIN THAT HE TEACHES UPPER LEVEL MATHEMATICS, AND IF ANYONE HAD QUESTIONS, THEY'D HAVE ALREADY SWITCHED MAJORS.

IMPRESS THE PROF: ONE IMPORTANT MARK TO KEEP AN EYE ON WILL BE PROFESSOR OF MARKETING MANAGEMENT, DR. LIEBRENZ-HINES. CAREFUL, SHE IS ALSO KNOWN BY CLASSMATES AS DR. CRAZY. INTELLIGENCE HAS LEARNED THAT DESPITE THE GIGANTIC SCOPE OF THIS PROGRESS, IT TAKES VERY LITTLE INDEED TO IMPRESS THE MARK. OBSERVE CLASSMATES "MISSY" AND "MARK" SCRAMBLING TO PICK UP TRASH IN THE ROOM IN THE TEN MINUTES BEFORE THE SESSION BEGINS. DR. CRAZY COMMENTS ON WHAT A FABULOUS JOB THEY ARE DOING AND JUST HOW SIMPLY IMPRESSED WE'VE MADE HER. HQ SWEARS BY THIS ACCURACY. SHE ONCE CONGRATULATED TO NO END FOR RESERVING A TABLE. INTEL CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT SHE'LL DO ONCE WE PULL OFF THIS IMPROBABLE PROJECT. THE ANALYSTS ARE PREDICTING SHE WILL BAKE US MUFFINS.

FACILITATE SOME SPIES: ACCOMPANYING YOU AT THE BRIEFING WILL BE 5 OPERATIVES FROM THE CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY. THEY WILL INTRODUCE THEMSELVES IN CLANDESTINE FASHION, BUT WILL BE WILLING TO SPEAK TO THE STUDENTS REGARDING FUTURE CAREER OPTIONS. THEY WILL PROVIDE FIRST NAMES, BUT KNOWLEDGE OF THEIR LAST NAMES WILL FORCE US TO HUNT YOU DOWN AND AS WE LIKE TO SAY IN THE BUSINESS, "DEBRIEF THE ASSET." YOUR OBJECTIVE IS TO MAKE UP FUNNY SURNAMES IN YOUR HEAD WHILE THEY SPEAK.

WELCOME THE FAITHFUL: IN A CALM AND CONFIDENT SPEAKING VOICE, INTRODUCE THE CIA MEMBERS TO THE CLASS. BE SURE TO OMIT THEIR NEWLY-FABRICATED SURNAMES: SUZANNE YOUREANAME, BRIAN MCPURPLETIE, MARY MONKEYBUTLER, TONY SPUMONI, AND JULIETTE CASTANET.

OPERATION RESULTS:
ATTENDANCE BENCHMARK EXCEEDED; 120 IN ATTENDANCE. DR.CRAZY WAS IMPRESSED WHEN AGENT MAGNUM CHANGED FROM ONE SLIDE TO THE NEXT BY PRESSING A SINGLE FREAKIN' KEY. SURNAMES KEPT INTERNAL. LEFTOVER PIZZA WAS DONATED TO DC'S HOMELESS. CELEBRATION OF COMPLETED OP TO TAKE PLACE AT LINDY'S IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING. MISSION A SUCCESS ON ALL COUNTS.

THIS MISSION PROBABLY WON'T SELF-DESTRUCT. UNLESS YOUR MONITOR SUCKS.