Where Credit Isn't Due

***First off, watch as the Amazing Condicio catches up from a vacation of eating too much and blogging too little. It's Three Post Thursday, people! Date sequencing will be upheld, lest we violate the sanctity of YAB. Enjoy.***

Is this all really neccessary?

Katie and I, enjoying the scenic, erm, scenes of Swedesboro, NJ, on our way back to the V of A yesterday, had to stop at a McDonald's to, well, rest. I have always felt a little odd about stopping at a dining establishment, fast or not, and using their facilities without engaging them in a transaction of commerce. I don't know, but even if you are just purchasing a small package of those wretched McDonaldland cookies for 39 cents, then and only then should you have the right to enjoy Mcfringe benefits, such as the restrooms. In order to avoid being a hypocrite, I was sure to purchase a Coke before we headed back to the joys of the interstate. It's a simple exchange, really.

1. I ask for a Coke.
2. They get me a Coke.
3. I give them two dollars.
4. They give me change.
5. End of Transaction.

Seems simple enough. So why is McDonalds messing with a good thing? (No, not the mysterious disappearance of the 2-cheesburger meal, that's another catastrophe altogether...)

Once we got back in the car, and complied to the one way trafficking patterns of the parking lot, I noticed that Swedesboro was, like many other towns I have visited in the last few weeks, on the credit card bandwagon. Yep, you can pay for your Big Mac with plastic these days, and be none the wiser (but yet the fuller.)

What is this world coming to?

I see three main problems with this innovation in the expedited cuisine industry (and maybe four or five if I get on a roll...)

1. First off, I need to make the observation of the obvious (I'm sorry, guys, this one will be the equivalent of "Hey, why do people drive on a parkway and park on a driveway, what's the deal with that?" But it must be done.) I find the aforementioned exhange of currency for goods to be a rather brief experience. They've got food, I've got cash. Let's trade. Seems like this method really fits in to the corporate mission of "fast food," no? Corporate missions are not to be messed with, Ronald. How would you like it if FedEx decided to ship you your frozen french fries "whenever they get around to it?" You'd be a sad, sad clown.
2. Not only is fast food evolving, so is the crime underworld. In the past, the Hamburglar was only capable of heisting one thing, and it became such a staple of his daily take that it became part of his name: hamburgers. (Another reason to be wary of fast food bathrooms.) You'd get up, and he'd strike, and leave some ketchup packets in your burger's place. Now in an era of high-tech theft and larceny, the Hamburglar can take his game to a whole other level. I'm sure he's got a a McCameraphone, and one quick click over your shoulder, and "Robble, robble!" he's got your credit card number. So if you start seeing charges for "a new McCape" and "McBandit masks" on your monthly statement, you know who to thank.
3. What if someone can't make their credit card payments on a monthly basis? Can you honestly feel good about paying a monthly finance charge because of that Egg McMuffin you got for breakfast? It's small, but humiliating.
4. I personally love that you will need a credit check to know if you can consume a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. "Well, sir, it seems that you defaulted on two months of rent in 1993. Therefore, we cannot rightfully offer you a line of credit for this burger. We're sorry. Getting a card cut in two at McD's? How embarrasing.
5. Grimace has no opposable thumbs. Ever seen an amorphous purple monster-thing try and swipe a credit card through the machine? Like a trainwreck.

I bet Mayor McCheese is behind all of this. What a crooked politician that guy is.