Debating Your Breakfast

Moderator: Good morning, and welcome to this transcript reading that documents the retelling of a Bridal Registry-related discussion that took place in the Fair Oaks Mall on Monday, January 17, 2005. The two sides were well represented, as both parties stuck to their guns and drew on their past experience and personal upbringings to try and persuade the other side that their position should be favored. In one corner, from Manassas, Virginia, the Westside Bride herself, Miss Katherine Pretz. And in this corner, wielding a high-tech scanning pistol, the Groom of Doom, Mr. Chris Condon. Flashy nicknames aside, the prize on the line in this battle of culinary taste, is so important that it warrants coverage in local news publication, You're a Blog. And as thanks, we cut to this station identification from YAB.

"YOU'RE A BLOG. WE PROMISE WE WON'T SWITCH TO SPANISH-ONLY FORMAT."

Moderator: Thank you, and we're back. We're talking toasters, people. The Engaged need to decide what type of toaster to register for, and this is where our debate lies. The two are only in possession of one toaster currently, and that's the 6 dollar machine that Condon took from the Monroe Hall Kitchen in 1999 once Mattias Caro left it for dead. In need of an upgrade, they can either go the route of the traditional toaster, or in the direction of the toaster oven. Now since Condon and Pretz both hold full-time jobs, neither was able to join us this morning for this re-enactment. In their place are two celebrities with some free time on their hands. Defending the Toaster, will be Mr. T.

Mr. T:T stands for toaster, fool! Toaster's gonna git you, sucka!

Moderator: And in defense of the Toaster Oven, Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Terrell Owens.

Owens:T.O. stands for Toaster Oven, baby! And #81's taking this one all the way to the endzone!

Moderator: Let the debate begin.

Mr. T:Listen up, fool! You gotta get yourself a toaster. We had one in the A-Team van, and it was awesome. Bread goes in. You wait a few. Then, jibba-jbba, toast is hot!

T.O.:Yeah, but a toaster oven can do more than just make toast, my man! It can broil a grilled cheese sandwich, warm meatloaf, undress Packers CB Al Harris with a silly juke move, T.O. can do it all baby!

Mr. T:What you talking 'bout? It can't do everything. What about waffles? Hey kids, get eight hours of sleep, drink your milk, and eat your waffles. Nice, tasty, toaster-made waffles. And tell them Mr. T sent ya!

T.O.:Tell who? The waffles? Anyways, a T.O. Toaster Oven also does the food that you have put in the oven before now. And you don't forget about those burger patties anymore. The only burning T.O. does is the Giants secondary in the Meadowlands, you hear?

Mr. T:Listen up, fool! I'm the baddest man in the world! I fought Balboa, and all I brought him was pain! Kids, you buy other boxers' kitchen appliances. Hell, I got me a George Foreman myself. So, if you want to listen to one boxer, listen to the best. And the best says to go with the Toaster, fool!

T.O.:Look, baby, I may be rehabbing, but nothing helps a busted knee more than a grilled cheese sandwich from a new Toaster Oven. And maybe some of Mrs. McNabb's Campbell's Chunky Soup. I did the Ray Lewis dance. And I'd dance like Mr. T, but I saw his moves in the ring. He slow, baby!

Mr.T:Kids, don't do drugs, and don't listen to that tall boy's jibba-jabba. Go with the Toaster! I believe in the Golden Rule. The one with the Gold...rules. And that's me, jivemonkey!

T.O.:Look, baby, I fully endorse this Toaster Oven. I'd even put my signature on it? Somebody, hey Pinkston, where's my Sharpie?