E-I-E-I-Whoa.

Sometimes I sit down in my blog chair, and have no idea what to write about. Blogger’s block can be killer when you publish a daily, and I’ve done my best to stay away from spitting out a sub-par effort for the sake of continuing the regimen. If I did subscribe to this theory, you all would read a whole lot more about random stuff on my desk:

Paper clips – what’s the deal with paper clips? They’re not paper, they’re not – oh shoot. Nevermind.

See? That’s terrible. So sometimes in a fit of panic, I find myself forced to scour the web to find something interesting to put a Condon-Brand © spin on. And since YAB Foreign News Correspondent Caro has been a dry well for news stories, it’s up to the Editor-In-Chief to do his own grunt work for breaking news. Let’s see…tsunami…homeland security…mudslides…no hockey…still…AH-HAH! Goldmine.

Waiting patiently while you read the aforementioned breaking news…ok? Good.

This delightful story brings up a bevy of issues that need to be discussed. Call it incomplete reporting, and lack of editorial effort, but I think there’s a lot more to this story that CNN.com didn’t even bother to scratch the surface.

• That crafty grandmother. She knew that of all the stores in Union, Missouri, the only one delivery location that would land the family press on CNN, or more importantly, on YAB News, would be the one that share’s the clan’s surname. I wonder what her motive really was. She’s had kids before, she knows that a hospital would have been better than “over there, by the soda fountain.” But no, a kid being born in a Missouri hospital doesn’t make the ticker on Headline News, does he?
• And as for the last name, at least the mother was fortunate. McDonald’s is a restaurant, and therefore, is meant to be kept generally clean. Sure, it’s fast food, but most McDonald’s I’ve been in aren’t too bad. And they’ve got some basic seating and tables for furniture, when in times of crisis, could probably make a suitable makeshift hospital. Both are big plusses. I’m not exactly promoting the chain as a healthy delivery room alternative, I’m just glad their last name isn’t “Home Depot” or “Rock Quarry.”
• The Union, MO McDonald’s had to commemorate the occasion with some sort of celebration. If they give that kid a Happy Meal, you better believe he stuck with one of those hard rubber toys that are prescribed for children under the age of 3 because of potential choking hazards. Little guy is going to have to wait for his first matchbox car, so here’s a squeaky cheeseburger to play with.
• One drawback to being born at a McDonald’s is the doctrine of nominal predestination (yep, made that one up.) There are some names for which your future careers is already signed off on when you get it inked on your birth certificate. For example, if you name your kid Jeeves, he’s going to be a fine butler one day. Your boy Winston’s either going to be a limo driver (or a Ghostbuster.) Baby McDonald? Yep, he’s now relegated to the Life of the Harvest. A farmer through and through (esp. in Missouri.) Had Grandmama been using her noodle, they would have pulled over at Burger King.

That kid would’ve been royalty.