Globetrotting

Today, boys and girls, we talk about awards shows, and how certain ones, in my book (unpublished, but looking for takers, as it were), need to be wiped off of the television schedule altogether. It's not that I've got better stuff to put on tv in their place, since reality shows are sinking faster than Peyton Manning in the snow, and other than Committed, mid-season replacements are as effective as well, again, Peyton Manning in the snow, but something needs to be done about award shows deemed unneccessary by me. Kristen touched on the People's Choice Awards, which hold as much credibility as the Teen Choice Awards, so I need not go into the underlying biases and idiocy that preside over that excuse for a red carpet. I've got bigger fish to fry.

Let me make that last point clear. Most awards shows don't have a whole lot of merit behind what they are awarding. I am all for giving credit where credit is due. My bone to pick lies with who gets to decide where said credit should be given. Confused? Good. (especially because my poor sentence construction makes one think that there's a loose bone out there somewhere. Eech.)

In my book, there should be two types of awards shows: those on TV, and those not on TV. The way I see it, anyone can give awards, but they need to be accredited for doing such a thing. Different circles of film critics in different cities across America? Sure, let us know who you think was the best actor, picture, director, etc. Why? Because you watch movies for a living. This is your job, to know who's the best. Hold an awards show, and let us know who won in the press. Celebrities most often do not attend these anyway, so continue doing it the same way you always have. Brilliant! As for the ones on TV, this avenue should be reserved for industry awards, those prizes given by the governing bodies of entertainment. Various academies and guilds, for worj in motion picture, music, television, and theatre, are more than welcome to take 3-4 hours one Sunday night a year to show me who they themselves think deserves some extra credit. Therefore, the Oscars, Tonys, Grammys, and Emmys may also continue doing it the same way you always have. (Even though Emmys are the most subjective horserace out there. NO idea how you can judge an actor over the course of a television season. Sheesh.)

I'll even go so far as allowing smaller sects of entertainment within these large scopes to brag some TV airtime to do their thing. These sects are just a larger celebration of a smaller category. The Country Music Awards, Screen Actors Guild, and Daytime Emmys fall into this realm, and because of entertainment value, they merit some time on the schedule. (Hey, if a third helping of The Simple Life does, then anything should garner some consideration.)

Anyone have any idea where I am going with this? Anyone? Well, here's the answer.

The Golden Globes need to be stopped. Immediately.

This award show is widely viewed as the precursor to the Oscars: an excellent means to figure out who will be going home with Academy Awards on February 25th. And while on occasion Globewinners will find themselves leaving the Oscars with new mantlepieces, there's really little correlation to be made. Do you know why the Golden Globes have no say whatsoever on who will be the Oscar winners of 2005? It's because the voting bodies have zero, and I mean not a single crossover voter between the two. And while we celebrate the Oscars because those who make movies let us know the best in their field, the Globes are the consummate #1 choices of another voting body that makes no sense whatsoever: The Hollywood Foreign Press?!?

That's right. People who don't even watch movies in America.

It's not that I have a problem with them giving out rewards for their favorite movies (and TV shows.) It's that said award program is nationally televised, and considered a major predictor for the Oscars. Why should we honor the selections of the Hollywood Foreign Press? Why not the Hollywood Domestic Press? How about the Full-Court Press? This awards show should be held in a swanky New York restaurant ballroom, where all of HFPI gets together, just like any other film critic organization. Sadly, it is that simple.

(steps down off soapbox and promises to return to your regularly scheduled funny bringing next time)