Praying for Starbucks

I know, I know, this is the last title you ever expected on a Condopost, (except for maybe "Nordberg Stops Phoning It In"), but it needed to be said. Now please don't take me seriously with this prayer request, I'd rather you spend your reflective time helping the tsunami victims. This is the type of prayer that isn't so much intended for the aforementioned intention, but rather a prayer against the well-being of a similar substitute. It's like watching the World Series to root for the National League team. Not because you like the NL, but because it means they're not the Yankees. This is an ABP - an Anything-But Prayer. This is not a prayer for Starbucks. It's for Anything But Aramark.

Who?

For those of you who went to WM, you know Aramark. They're the food service vendor accountable for our dining hall cuisine. Personally, I don't have a problem with what we had. I could always find something to eat, and it was filling and quite good. Even if it was a mixture of all the dry cereal in a bowl with a spoon (Captain Crunch + Lucky Charms + Corn Pops = Capt. Lucky Pops*), I liked it. I can't see why people complained about it - picky eaters, all of you. It's actually strange how similar the cafeteria downstairs is to the Marketplace (minus the wrap line. Man, I could go for a wrap right now.) Anyways, Aramark is our food service vendor on the outs. We just signed a new contract with a different company, and with the title comes the spoils, namely the coffee vending contract at all of our DC area locations.

That ain't chump change, chump.

In the Columbia, MD location alone, I have a line item in my budget of about fifty-eight thousand dollars annually for coffee. Yes, I spend more money on coffee than all of you, and I don't even drink the stuff (It's not exactly my cup of..err..Gatorade.) So I pay weekly bills so that all the good worker bees in Maryland can be extra caffeinated for an extra long time. (Decaf is also an offering, but I've noticed 5 regular cases are ordered to every 1 decaf.) Personally, I could come up with better uses for the money, but I don't think I want 1200 people at my door with caffeine withdrawal. (Angriest crowd since the premiere of Christmas with the Kranks.)

Well, at least I thought I was spending 58k.

It appears there's been a mix-up in Accounts Payable. Namely, the processor assigned to Aramark has been sitting on invoices for months, not because we put a stop payment on the account, but because she's new and no one has fully trained her. As a result, I get a daily visit from an Aramark Collections Officer (We'll call him Mr. Coffee.) Mr. Coffee asks where his money is. I calmly tell him that it is being processed and that he should expect a check FedExed to his billing office Friday. It's Monday. Apparently, Mr. Coffee isn't familiar with the whole "Days of the Week" principle. He'll be back tomorrow, and Wednesday, and Thursday to ask the same question he asked today, despite the fact that Friday has not arrived.

Mr. Coffee has gotten me a little wired. Kind of jumpy, kind of nervous, sleepy when I'm not researching the issue. Is this their way of indoctrinating me with the Way of the Java? I don't think so, pal. Not me. My water bottle and me are doing just fine, thank you very much, and I'll kick your tail all the way back to Maxwell House before I'm done. Your payment is coming, no need to stir things up, bud. So leave me alone!

Wow. I need to lay off the coffee.

P.S. - The funny thing (that may only interest me) is while I was writing this, I was picturing Mr. Coffee not as the gentleman who visits me daily, but as the giant Kool-Aid man, only filled with coffee instead of fruit punch. Trippy.

*Capt. Lucky Pops is patent pending.