Tight End Justifies the Means

This is one of those years that there is a two week gap between the AFC and NFC Championship Games and the Bowl to smackdown all Bowls, the Super Bowl. That's good news for you Eagles fans for two reasons. For one, Andy Reid is 10-0 is games after a bye week. Regular Season, Divisional Playoffs, heck, it don't matter, this guy knows how to prepare. (He also knows how to eat cheesesteaks from what it appears, but that's neither here nor there.

(Subquestion, if Andy Reid's cheesesteaking is neither here nor there, then where the heck is it? It seems to me that 100% of the world's locations have to fall into one of the two places, do they not? And don't give me that jibba jabba about "over there." That's just an outlying territory of "There." Kind of like how Delaware is to New Jersey. Oh, snap!)

The other reason that football fans, Philly, New England, New Jersey Extended, wherever, have to look forward to the break is that television football analysts will turn their talkatrons up to 11, and have something to report about one individual game for a fortnight. And since we can only chat on about whether or not T.O. will play for so long, other stories sure as hell better rise up, otherwise I'll be forced to destroy some toaster ovens in protest. (Go back to last week, you'll know what that means, rookie.) And, for the love of Black and Decker, one has. And boy, does it feel good.

Well, for everyone except Chad Lewis.

Chad broke his touchdown bone last week against Atlanta. (It may have been his leg, but I'm no doctor. I'd be risking this patient's life if I was) Chad was an integral part to the Birds' roster. A typical NFL football team carries 53 players, 3 0f which play the versatile block-and-catch hybrid spot known as Tight End. The Eagles are no exception. L.J. Smith (82), Chad Lewis (89), and Mike Bartrum (88). Well, as previously mentioned, Chad is out, leaving two. This would not normally be a problem, because there's not a single play in the Eagles' playbook that features three tight ends. Bartrum slides up to the 2 slot, no problem. Right?

Wrong. Bartrum, in his wily veteran ways, has become the long snapper for Philly. This is an acquired skill, and without this skill, special teams play becomes mundane teams play. The long snapper is the guy who hikes the ball in punting and kicking situations. If Bartrum moves up to the 2 slot, and God forbid gets injured, they would simply get their back-up long snapper to take over on kicking plays. And looking at the depth chart, that person is listed as....Chad Lewis. Dilemma.

Enter Jeff Thomason.

Former Tight End Jeff retired two years ago from the Eagles, when they drafted L.J. Smith. He played for the Birds for the final three years of a solid ten year career. He was happy with what he accomplished in his time. Now, he works as a Project Manager for Philly-area construction firm Toll Brothers. I can just imagine the on-site construction trailer on Monday morning when the phone rang. Jeff was peering over the building schematics, drinking his coffee out of a Styrofoam cup, and picked up the call. You have to think his reaction for similar to Merlin when Maverick told him he was bringing the MiG in closer in Top Gun. (You're gonna fo WHAT?!?) Regardless, Jeff who has stayed in shape thanks to his hobby of oh, I don't know, TRIATHALON, has accepted and will be wearing number 85 in Jacksonville on the first weekend of February.

Since I am always looking for ways to refine HR policy, (and since I think pirates would do a damn good job, I am also viewing this inspirational piece from a work-related angle. Some questions I hope Jeff has considered in making his decision (which, was the right decision, no doubt.)

• Paid Vacation - Look, you've been with the company for two years. You can't have more than two weeks vacation yet. That comes with tenure. So you're going to have to blow your entire year's leave all at once. No week at the Jersey Shore this year, Jeff.
• Be sure to get your W-2 from the Philadelphia Eagles for Tax Year 2005. Is it possible that one game can raise your tax bracket? We'll find out.
• Be sure to leave your helmet at the jobsite. The Eagles will have one waiting for you.
• Jackhammers are hard to operate with a big old Super Bowl ring on your hand, the metal-to-metal would drive a sane man crazy. Have Toll Brothers install a safety-deposit box on the job site.
• When you get back to your full-time job, do not EVER confuse a football with a wrecking ball.

And finally,

• You've got to work weekends.