As I Walk with the Valet...

...in the shadow of Weird...

This past week, despite the downfall of HFS (btw, that was a Condon original above, despite the misleading italics), we here in the DC Metropolitan area have had at least something to brighten the day. Which, mind you, has become exceedingly difficult as Mother Nature keeps spinning the wheel and landing on "Overcast." (Umm..I'd like to buy a Sun?) Anyways, this week is the semiannual DC Restaurant Week.

(Sidenote here: I don't think I've ever known the difference between semi-annual and biennial. Yet I'm told they mean different things. It's kind of like flammable and inflammable, right? Eh, if not, let's just hope I picked the right one. And also hope that I'm not flammable. (or inflammable, as it would be.))

DC Restaurant Week is a golden opportunity twice a year for all those people whose grocery budgets favor Motts juice boxes to the rich kid lunch drink Capri Sun. (Who drinks juice out of a bag? Honestly.) It's for those who get their Entertainment Weekly fix at the gym rather than just subscribing themselves. It's for those who would rather wait until their dress shirt supply is completely exhausted before taking in dry cleaning to save a dollar or two. In a word, it's for Condon. Basically, about 100 area fancy (and dare I say, shmancy) restaurants prepare a fixed menu selection in which you can get a three course meal for 30 bucks. And since most entrees at these fine establishments normally go for a minimum of 25 bucks by themselves, this is a deal too good to pass up. On top of eating a fine meal, you then also are the recipient of an unofficial culture reward, in which you have new information to contribute to any conversation you may encounter concerning fine dining.

Just for this post and this post only, Taco Bell need not apply.

Tuesday night our selection of the directory listing was The Monocle. The Monocle is a nice little restaurant on D Street, only a few blocks from the Capitol. Congressmen (and more than likely, their accompanying bribetastic lobbyist friends) frequent this establishment for both lunch and dinner. This was the first fun part of the evening, the old "Guess which of the other tables has a Senator." A fun side-game: "Guess which of the other tables are playing the same game we are." The walls are lined with signed headshots of DC politicians, past and present. (None of them were at the tables. I checked.) Anyways, three co-workers, Katie, and I enjoyed a fine meal of filet mignon, a appetizer/salad/soup selection (I had trout), and a fine dessert (mmm...chocolate cake.)

The other half of fine dining is not just eating the finely-prepared food. It is also spending this one special evening to take advantage of those amenities which constitute the "high life." One such special service is coat check, which is a simple transaction and proceeded flawlessly.

I give you a coat. You give me a ticket.
I give you a ticket. You give me a coat. I give you a tip.

The other specialty service, which didn't run as smoothly as the coat check? But of course! Valet parking.

Finding the restaurant in DC within 5 minutes of your reservation is quite the accomplishment. Since I don't have many bills to pass lately in our democracy (or Rob's, for that matter), I'm rarely in Northeast DC. And since I managed to get Katie and myself there without getting lost, and it is an evening of fine dining, why not take advantage of pulling up to The Monocle and having someone else find a place for the car? Let's do it.

I give you the keys. You give me a ticket. I give you 5 dollars.

And as I we walked inside and found our seats, I happened to glance back at the front door. The car, which I had just parked myself right in front of the restaurant, remained in front of the restaurant throughout the course of our meal. Ok, I saw the valet. But where does the parking come in? Oh well, I guess it's time to leave (before I pay for more chocolate cake...)

I give you the tickets. I give you the keys. I give you a tip?

Looks like I rented the best parking spot in town for 7 dollars.