Dial N for Nordberg

YABNews is priveleged to have landed this exclusive interview with an incon in You're a Blog lore. Ladies and gentlemen, our chat with Chris Nordberg. We hope we clear up some issues here...

You’re a Blog: Mr. Nordberg. Thanks for agreeing to this interview. You see, YAB has served as a cyber focal point for people in their daily straying from responsibility, and there are some who idolize your work ethic. If we were to have a Frequently Asked Questions section, Query Numero Uno would be "Who is Christopher Nordberg, and why does he phone it in?

Chris Nordberg: I was born a poor black child in the state of – no, wait, that’s not true. Actually, I am currently a 1st year MBA student at UNC, but the phone it in work ethic goes way back to December of 2002.

YAB: Wow, that's a lot of acronyms! This phoning in it you speak of, does that include not typing out full phrases, and instead settling for confusing combinations of letters?

CN: As a matter of fact it is (jerkpants). After I accepted a job as a financial analyst at AT&T (Amazing Takeover Target), my second semester of my senior year at William and Mary took on a somewhat different feel than previous semesters.

YAB: So phoning it has to do with working in telecommunications?

CN: Not really. You see, that semester lacked a certain critical mass of, how shall I put this, productive stuff for me to do. I took 12 credits (only 8 were graded), I was no longer president of the business fraternity, I was no longer interning, I was no longer looking for a job. So I had to come up with other things to do, which certain people who will remain anonymous seemed to think were less than constructive and required a corny tag line loosely connected to my future employer.

YAB: I see. But some would say that even prior to this critical point in your academic career, you didn't have to put forth full effort. Our research shows that as a student job, your work description was to "let students check out and watch movies while you sat at your desk and did homework." Can you confirm this, and if so, how does one put forth less effort than this? Make the students watch the movies and do your homework?

CN: That is true, but I assure at no time did I inhale the movies or my homework. Sometimes I would sniff my highlighter, but that's it. I'm sorry, what were talking about.

YAB: Don't you dare phone in this interview until we figure out more about what phoning it in actually is. So, the final semester of your college career came and classes didn't seem important, got it. We're going to play some word association. I'll give you a typical academic task, and you respond with what you would do instead of said task. Ok, let's start with - writing a history paper.

CN: Watch the American President in Condon's room on his DVD player.

YAB: Ok, good. How about prepare for a business class presentation?

CN: Watch A Few Good Men in Condon's room on his DVD player.

YAB: I'm seeing a theme here, we'll try one more...attending golf class.

CN: Oh I'd NEVER miss that class. Although on occasion I'd be a little late because I was playing my NASCAR computer game and seeing how many laps it took my to drive the wrong way at Daytona and destroy every other car in the race.

YAB: Wow. Just wow. Ok, let's move on. So you went to AT&T, and everything seemed to be going well. Effort. Intensity. Determination. Character traits that made your parents proud in year's past. Then April 2004 rolled around, and AT&T tanked and was almost purchased by BellSouth. Did you have anything to do with this nosedive?

CN: Well, I was running a black market Office Depot out of the M&A Division’s supply cabinet, but who doesn’t do that. Also, there were these TPS reports, which I never quite got the hang of. That might have cost the company a few million. I wasn’t concerned though, by that time I had been accepted to UNC.

YAB: Ah, so now we're getting somewhere. It's an issue of security. Complete the sentence..."When Nordberg sees the next big thing...

CN: ...he takes it and the next six months off."

YAB: Excellent. Well, Mr. Nordberg, I think our readers have gotten a good idea of what it means to "phone it in." Final scenario: You're the President of the United States, and you've just gotten news that you've been elected as the King of the World. What happens to the good ole' U.S. of A.?

CN: I think the Oval Office would make a good floor hockey rink and the War Room has got to have a PS2.

YAB: Sheer Genius. Chris Nordberg, the Embodiment of Phoning It In.

CN: You're a phone.