Someone's in the Kitchen...

with Craftsman...

Generally speaking, living in a leased apartment prevents me from having to take care of those minor improvement projects that homeowners are forced to deal with. Rather than fix the leak in our bathroom ceiling correctly the first time, we can sit back and enjoy the convenience of having the maintenance staff come in and "sort of" fix it every few months or so. Sure, it's not effective, but at least we get some free tools out of it. (And an in-apartment waterfall...)

Well, it's a no-brainer to call the office when something breaks that we had no control over. It's not quite that easy when you do have that control. Of course, by control, I mean it's all my fault. And that means I can either risk delivering a smooth explanation to the office about how it's their fault (without laughing), or suck it up, get creative, and find a way to fix this small problem.

Ok, let's see, creativity. I could write a parody, but then I'd just be missing the point altogether. (We call this the Carson Daly Principle.)

What be thy problem, you may ask? After scolding you for your gratituitous use ye olde English, I'd explain to you that I was making sandwiches for my lunch one weekday last week. This feast is a simple one to recreate on a daily basis. Open the utensil drawer. Get a knife. Use it for the mayonnaise. Construct a sandwich using bread, cold cuts, mustard, and mayo. Lean down to get a tupperware out of the lower cabinet. Slam your tailbone against the utensil drawer, rocketing it right off its metal track into a state of disastrous disrepair. Cringe.

So where does this leave us? Looks like with a couple of sandwiches, a shooting spinal pain that rivals hearing Joan Rivers speak, and a utensil drawer that has wedged itself nicely between broken and disrepair. And since the simple, lift and push back on the metal tracks method is a far cry from actually working, this is going to take a little more work to fix.

Stupid tailbone.

Ok, so how do we fix a broken drawer. First, I tried to force the drawer back down over the hard plastic wheel on back on the right track. The NHL labor talks were more effective. Geez, I must have jammed it pretty badly. Ok, next, I decided to attack the problem from the bottom up. Emptied out the pots and pans drawer and analyzed the situation from beneath. And despite all the manual pushing and pulling, the drawer remains stuck.

This is how it was left for a few days, while I regrouped and planned a new attack. The drawer was still usable during this calm, if you didn't mind its angled entry and the inability to open it more than eight inches. Like a parallelogram peg for a rectangular hole. The weekend came, and I could take it no longer. It's time to take it up a notch (if there were, uh, notches for, umm, kitchen cabinet repair, yeah..)

Let's break out the tools! (Insert tool joke here.)

Well, the needle nose pliers did me little good, as I was unable to pry back the wheel from the track. I might as well have been using some carrots from the fridge. (Wait. There are no carrots in the fridge.) Then, in one final desperate attempt to be able to acquire kitchen utensils with a full range of wrist motion, I tried something completely cutting edge.

Smashed it with a hammer.

6 quick strikes against the metal of the track, and the drawer magically popped back into place. Sure, things are a little dented on the inside, but who needs to know that? I'm thoroughly convinced that a hammer can fix anything. Alright, what's next?

Hey, Spud, isn't your computer having problems?