You're the Best Around

No, this gem from The Karate Kid never won an Oscar. By the way, I will give you my Oscar coverage blog, including a recap of Oscar Party 2.0 a few posts from now, you know, when the dates become a little more...what's the word...relevant?

I'm now officially the best Condon at SAIC.

This isn't to say that this is a new development. For all I know, I may have been the best Condon at SAIC since in the final moments of 2002. But how does one compare their company value to another, when your jobs are different and you've never met. You see, I haven't been able to claim the crown up until this point for the simple reason that I had competition. That's right, another Condon.

No relation.

Can't say that my extended family has stretched to Houston, Texas, where SAIC web designer Andrew Condon call home. Nah, my Condons prefer the frosty confines of upstate New York, where they should publicly mock the school canceling policies of the DC region. If these Condons saw the cheap wooden snow shovels this are is so fond of when the flakes fall, they'd take them and use them for firewood. But just because we've fortified the Northeast Corridor doesn't mean that my distant kin have broke ground in the Lonestar State.

I'm sure Andrew's a nice guy, he always seemed that way when we would exchange and forward e-mails intended for one but received by the other. But in the spirit of friendly competition, he no longer stands a chance in the quest for Lord Condo's Cup. For good sir Andrew has decided to leave the company to pursue other career options. That leaves the last man standing.

And they say don't mess with Texas...

This leaves me on top of the Condon Corporate Food Chain (CCFC). With dear Andrew departed, I am the only one carrying my surname's banner in an employee parade of 45,700. This is a responsibility not to be taken lightly, and I have no intention of doing so. For I now am not just Condon in Finance, I'm The Condon. Of SAIC.

As The Condon, I reserve the following rights to be solely mine at all business-related meetings/functions/happy hours/etc...

1. People can now call me by my last name, and I will not have to worry about anyone else answering first. For years, I've prided myself on the fact that I can answer to my first name while others called Chris are forced to last name status. But now The Condon will take this title as well.
2. Any accolades at work for Condon now default to me. "Well done Condon on designing that website concerining our Dallas-Ft.Worth Oil Derrick (FWOD) Project. You are so savvy with the web page design. Why yes, yes I am.
3. If Andrew Condon puts the A.C. in A.C. Slater, that makes me Zack Morris. And despite heated debate, we all know who was the cooler kid at Bayside. Other than the episode where Zack tries to weasel his way out of his date auction date, he's always been a class act. Slater doesn't hold a candle to him. Anyone who lets Jessie Spano control his life for a multiyear period has to be an also-ran. Zack was able to combine TWO parties at Malibu Sands that one summer. TWO! That's talent.
4. The Condon is a title deserving of a super suit. No not the two-button, power tie kind, I'm talking about superhero gear. Does our OfficeMax catalog have capes in it? I'll take two.
5. No longer forced to share my last name within the company directory, searching for me will get you, well, ME! Thomas K. Candon is the next closest, but don't worry, we look nothing alike.
6. I don't have a business card, but Andrew might have. A little white out could complete that transfer of identity, no problem. People may give me a funny look, but I can simply explained that there was a typo or something. Especially if our printing company was called NordCards or something.
7. Chalk another win up for those with double initials. Alan Alda may not have gotten his Oscar, but The Condon can add another piece of hardware to the trophy case.