A computer is not unlike Nintendo.
The computer we specifically speak of is my laptop here at work, and the Nintendo we specifically speak of is Nintendo: Old School. Think back to the times of when the former video game giant was truly great. No, not GameCube. Aside from geometric soundness, this was no big deal. And greatness precedes N64 as well. When your best game was just an updated MarioKart, you're not allowed near the winner's podium. And Super Ninendo had its moments too, but was all too often overshadowed by GameBoy. This leaves Side 1, Track 1 of Nintendo's greatest hits: The Original NES.
We make this comparison today because my computer, who behaved for the most part through our fiscal year end, has now taken this short lull of productivity and turned it into a frantic party, and everyone's invited. You have to love problems that leave Tech Support befuddled. Actually, you just have to love the word befuddled. A great man must have made up such a fun word to say. Anyway, here's what's (not) going on with my computer.
1. Put laptop in docking station.
2. Press power button to turn on.
3. Wait about 90 seconds while it goes through its system routine.
4. Start entering network ID and password.
5. Throw your pen across the room, while your computer inexplicably turns off.
6. Apologize to the passerby you just brained with your pen.
So, how does one fix such a problem? As we well know, until Condon gets his IT NASCAR pit crew, Tech Support will not be helpful. This leaves all solutions up to the enduser. Me. Now, if my laptop was truly created in the likeness of the original NES gaming system, the solution would be simple. With Nintendo, what one had to do when their copy of Rad Racer or Marble Madness went totally haywire (or Hayward, for Sara's machine), the fix was a breeze.
1. Open the Nintendo.
2. Take out the cartridge.
3. Blow on it, like you're playing a harmonica.
4. Re-insert the cartridge.
5. Close the Nintendo.
Now, there's no scientific evidence anywhere that proves that blowing on a video game will lead to a higher degree of electronic reliability. Yet, everytime, this is what had to be done. If you spilled a magnum-sized cup from Wawa on the console, it's okay. Just blow on the game, and continue punishing the Ghosts AND the Goblins. Looking back, this remedy seems awfully arbitrary. But, hey, it worked.
So when it comes to my computer this morning, let's throw out any technological know-how that I may have and do something that should make no sense whatsoever. Now I can't blow on the inner workings of my laptop: getting inside it would destroy it. Let's try the following protocol instead.
1. Pull laptop out of docking station.
2. Open the laptop.
3. Close the laptop.
4. Put the laptop back in the docking station.
5. Press the power button.
Sure enough, as I sit here typing before you today, we had liftoff. There is no explainable reason that my aforementioned instructions should have worked, but they did. Moral of the story: kids who play Nintendo will be great problem solvers later in life. But they'll have no idea why.
Epilogue: drawing on the Laptop-NES parallels has struck some other ideas that need minting. At my next staff meeting, I am going to have to propose some technology upgrades that will make the workplace more 1) productive and 2) fun. I believe that different NES gaming accessories can be unearthed and used in the offices and marketplaces of modern Corporate America. With some simple software design, I believe that the mouse should be replaced by the behemoth of joysticks, the NES Advantage. No longer will employees have to waste time adjusting the sensitivity of the optic eye of their mouse. Plus, this joystick comes with TURBO! Talk about increased productivity. Secondly, the Windows Calculator will become a tool of the past, as I think we should replace with the old Power Pad. Once used for Nintendo Track and Field, the arrows will be replaced with numbers, and the long jump will be replaced with long division. Finally, who can forget the Power Glove? Once you get by the metal bar that grinds into your hand, use it at the office for database management. Simply "pick up" the file and move it to where it needs to go! I can see the faces of the rest of the staff now...
Why do they look so befuddled?
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Kickin' it Old School
Written by Chris Condon at 9:53 AM
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5 comments:
That NES harmonica-blow technique is part of the IT helpdesk repertoire here. One of the guys actually did take my computer apart and blow on some board in there one time - this is when I first started and had the computer equivalent of the Deathtrap. Magically, the machine began to work. But it was not as fun as old school Zelda.
Ah, yes. The joys of the NES...we all look back nostalgically, except for Mattias, who hasn't been out of his room since 1987. Without going into the countless reasons why RBI Baseball is the greatest EVER game produced for the Nintendo, I respectfully submit a list of five other occasions when "harmonica blow" worked with precision:
5. Alexandria, this morning. When my ignition refused to turn over in my car, I merely opened my hood and used "The Blow" to get the engine revving.
4. The Oscars, 1951. Apparently, as they were prepared to award Jane Wyman with Best Actress for "The Blue Veil," John Huston used "The Blow" on the envelope to turn the tide for Vivien Leigh.
3. Bristol, 1993. My stepsister, so help me, thought that a VCR would work perfectly after knocking it off of her dresser. Not so. Witness then...the power of "The Blow."
2. The 1970-72 Incidents at Sea Executive Agreements between the Soviet Union and the United States. Use of "The Blow" is confirmed unoffically, as information is still classified.
1. Jaleel White is cast as Cadet Nicholls in a widely forgotten TV series "Cadets." The ABC Networks utilizes "The Blow" and a star is born in the form of the witty Steven Quincy Urkel.
Coincidence? I think not.
Tetris Rules
Jaleel White was Zack Morris in the pilot episode of Good Morning Miss Bliss.
fffffffffffffffffffffff
Stephan Urquel So much better.
The only thing that the Super Nintendo definitely beat the previous consoles out with was the SuperScope. I mean, it's a bazooka. You've gotta give that props
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