All the News that's Fit to Mock

And you thought I was just a financial analyst by day, grad student by night.

There are long stretches of time where from a blogreader’s perspective, my actions are completely unaccounted for. Now that you think of it, it’s kind of ridiculous. Unless I’m posting, you have NO idea what I’m up to. Well, I feel that it’s time to pull back the curtain and reveal what else I accomplish on a daily basis. And since we don’t have the capital funding to buy a YAB WebCam, it looks like I just going to just have to describe it to you. Hey, we’re on a budget, people…

Actually, now that I think about it, trying to relay my more mundane daily happenings may cause me to sensationalize a bit. With a few keystrokes, I very well may turn eating a bowl of Captain Lucky Pops into a quest for the Holy Grail. That’s not fair to those who believe in “journalistic integrity.” Instead, how about I get some outside reporters to let you know what I’m up to. (This is by no means phoning it in, N-Berg.)

All news stories from found by typing “Chris Condon” in Google News.

Chicken Holiday plucks Beer Garden
- While this may have been the marquee match up in the Staten Island men’s softball league, the real action happened in the Good Guys-Secret Squirrels tilt. I should know; I was there.
Kyle Aaman's gamer and back-to-back homers by Kevin O'Neill and Chris Condon lifted Good Guys to an 8-7 South Shore Softball Association win over the Secret Squirrels.
Ok, I admit that my blast just made it over the fence, and could have been caught by an outstretched outfielder's glove. But let's face it. Squirrels aren't that tall.

Down with the Carnival
- After my NYC softball games, I usually hop on a jet - to Australia. You see, to make a little extra money in the summer, I serve as the Townsville Show Secretary. Most of the tasks are administrative, except for that whole "Planning a 200k person summer Carnival...apparently not everyone is pleased with my work.
Like him or loathe him, Townsville Show secretary Chris Condon firmly believes he is doing everything with the interests of the public as his sole concern. And if that means getting up the nose of the Showmen's Guild over ground rates, so be it.
Look, I'm just trying to save the good townspeople of Townsville some cash. Ok, if the whole thing falls through, I'll just invite them all to the wedding.

Danger assessment system targets domestic violence
- On my plane ride home to the States, I often have some time to do some number crunching. I'm no John Nash, but I like to think my work (for which I sacrifice sleep) is making a real difference in the world.
"I envision us definitely using her assessment in our work but at what point and to what extent, I don't know yet," Condon said. "I'm very interested in finding out how this will help us better determine a chance of re-offense on the part of abusers."
I suppose if I was John Nash, I'd probably have some excellent hallucinations. I was constantly be visited by people no one else could see. Personally, I'm hoping for Ferris Bueller and Terry Tate, Office Linebacker.

News about upside of coffee pours out
- According this study, coffee (once again) has been ruled by scientists as having some benign health effects on those who drink it. Guess who threw his two cents in to prevent the masses from rushing to the local Starbucks. (Oh, by the way, I'm the Director of the United States Training Institute.
Most disquieting to Condon, whose business provides wellness education, products and services, is the uncontrolled consumption of coffee and its addictive properties. "If you don't mind being a drug addict, then drink your coffee."
Wise beyond my years...