When the week opened this past Monday, America’s workforce returned to their respective places of business to kick off another enthralling five days of attempting to make their outbox height tower over their inbox’s. Most people are greeted with a standard classification of things to do: stuff that didn’t get done on Friday. It sat and simmered for two days, but other than that, it’s the same unsurprising work that you knew you left when locking up three days prior. Most jobs don’t have to fear something urgent happening over the weekend, adding to the stack on Monday and taking Priority Numero Uno. But then again, most jobs aren’t managerial roles for professional sports franchises.
Poor Clint Hurdle.
Clint is the manager of the MLB’s Colorado Rockies. Well, at least he is for now. His 19 win, 39 loss ballclub have taken up residence in the basement of the National League West despite Hurdle’s best efforts to make a young ballclub find ways to win. Now even though managers work weekends, their daily work is pretty standard. Come up with a lineup. Sit in a dugout. Yank pitchers when A-Rod blasts their 2-2 offerings onto the upper deck. It’s pretty simple. Well, when Clint got to his desk Monday morning, he had one of those immediate attention tasks waiting for him.
Poor Clint Barmes.
Turns out one of the bright spots on Hurdle’s squad, rookie shortstop Clint Barmes, is going to be sidelined for three months with a broken clavicle. Two things probably came in to Manager Hurdle’s head when he learned the devastating news. 1) How in the world are there two people named Clint working for the same team? 2) What happened? Barmes played in the win against Cincinnati Sunday afternoon, even belting a solo homer in the eighth. He was fine then!
Still a rookie, bachelor Barmes hasn’t quite yet earned the palatial Denver estate he will someday get. Like any other entry level employee, he currently maintains an apartment near his job. Also being a rook, he has yet to hire servants and monkey butlers to do his errands and chores. No, Clint goes to the supermarket like any other recent college graduate. He unloads his car just like any of us. He slips on the stairs while carrying his groceries, something we all do. He breaks his clavicle and is collecting workman’s comp – well, ok, maybe that’s unique to just him.
So while Barmes kicks back in his easy chair waiting for his clavicle to heal, Hurdle has to scramble to make some sort of damage control move. Desi Relaford becomes the starting shortstop for the Rocks, and once Barmes goes on the Disabled List, Hurdle will call up an even greener rookie to man the utility infielder role. Heck, he could probably crash at Barmes’ pad (but take the elevator, of course.) Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention one more person whose Monday morning went to panic mode because of this mishap.
Poor Chris Condon.
Condon also manages a ballclub, and for the past nine weeks has consistently penciled Clint Barmes in as his shortstop. The NL Rookie of the Year has just been one of the reasons that Igfield Fly Rule has maintained its throne atop the Colonial Yards Fantasy Baseball League for countless weeks. But now, with Barmes sitting at home watching cartoons for the summer months, that left a hole just to the left of second base. I beg season ticket holders to IFR’s home games to not fret. I picked up last year’s Rookie of the Year Bobby Crosby to take his place, and we’ll continue to seek Condon’s first ever fantasy title. But while this transaction may do a world of good, I’m not stopping there. In the fantasy clubhouse, over the shower door, I am getting a plaque made and hung with my club’s official Fantasy Team Rules.
Monday, May 30, 2005
Rockie Mountain Low
Written by Chris Condon at 10:18 AM
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3 comments:
With all apologies to Mr. Barmes, his tragic injury was one week too late, where a 13-7 loss could have easily become a 9-9 tie, or better.
GM, Epstein's Army
Dear Poor Chris Condon,
The lack of Barmes in your lineup is not really affecting you kicking our team's ass this week. We hope every single one of your players has a tragic accident very soon.
Sincerely,
The soon-to-be-in-last place Thermal Detonators.
According to the Associated Press, Barmes "clarified the cause of his injury Thursday, June 9, saying that he broke his collarbone carrying a package of deer meat, not a bag of groceries. The meat was provided by 1B Todd Helton following a post-game excursion to Helton's ranch Sunday, June 4, where Helton, Barmes and OF Brad Hawpe also rode all-terrain vehicles. "
Because THAT makes all the difference. "Oh, it was deer meat - that explains it!"
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