I have a fever...

...and the only prescription is…

I’m pretty much sold on the theory that if you work in a traditional office building setting, and if you brought in no outside food with you or money to purchase food, a person could easily survive. For an office worker, physical activity is at an all-time minimum, as e-mail has replaced getting up and walking to the fax machine. Ok, I guess you could burn some calories if your fax machine is terrible and you soccer-dribble it up and down the hall, but that’s not exactly management’s favorite utilization of technology, is it? With such a low level of caloric expenditure, an equally low level of intake needs to be maintained.

Judging from walking around my floor this morning, I can’t see reaching that intake being much of a problem. Everywhere you turn, there are free munchies that could get one through the day. There’s a plate of brownies by the mailboxes with a cute “Try Me!” sign. That guy over in the corner cube keeps a readily-stocked jar of peppermints. By the boss’ office is a gumball machine full of M&Ms (yes, including Communist blue). I even think I just saw someone walk by with a Friday communal bagel run. Yeah, 1200 calories for free? Piece of cake.

Oh, did I mention it’s somebody’s birthday today? Make that 1800 calories.

However, I have withheld from indulging thus far. First reason being I brought money, and am willing to spend it on a lunchtime meal far finer that Peppermints and mustard packets. Second, I have a serious craving, and the product required for the quenching of said craving is nowhere to be found in this office. You know what I could go for right now?
A Pudding Pop.Oh, MAN. The thought crossed my mind when I was running this morning. I have no idea what sparked this culinary contemplation, but now I’m hooked on the idea. It’s not like I’ve had one recently. I don’t think I’ve seen one in a fridge I’ve had access to in the past 14 years. I don’t even think they exist anymore. Well, other than in my Daydreams of Craving Miscontent.

This is why the Pudding Pop was such an excellent dessert option. Let’s break down the product shall we? First you got your pudding. As it is known in some circles (ok, my roommates and Allison and Sara), I am a pudding fiend. Of all my kitchen specialties in the apartment, I may best be known for my snack time perfection “Big Bowl of Pudding.” It’s easy and it only has two ingredient. Bowl. Pudding. Ok, three if you need a spoon.

Second, you’ve got Pop. Pop is short for Popsicle (at least I’m guessing). This puts us in the frozen dessert aisle. There are a lot of other options out there on the market, but none can pull off the understated grace of the Pudding Pop. Klondike Bars put you to work just so that you can have one. Ice cream sandwiches contain frozen cookies that make stellar hockey pucks. Ice cream involves getting a bowl, a spoon, and a frozen headache. Regular popsicles will drip faster than you can say “Fruit-flavored frozen goodness.” But hark – Pudding Pops! It’s pudding (already been deemed cool.) and it’s frozen (without drippage). And I want one.

But do they even still exist?

Looks like they made a comeback tour stop last summer, but yet again, have disappeared from the shelves. You know the type of appearance. They come out, thank everybody for coming and buying their merchandise and indulging in their art form, they play their hits – “Vanilla,” “Chocolate,” “Swirly McSwirlington” and then vanish to their palatial estates with new revenue. Gone again.

Pudding Pops, why have you forsaken me?

While I wait for them to answer, you must click this link and scroll down. You can thank me later.