Can You Ear Me Now?

Finally, the gang here in Finance is getting some reprieve. In a span of six days, we actually have hired two additional employees to join in the number-crunching chaos. I got to personally interview both of them, yet I declined to ask pertinent questions like “What happens to Peter, Karp, and the Duncans between The Mighty Ducks and D2?” Instead, I stuck to the script and found out that these two will be excellent additions to our team.

Forging an identity in a new workplace setting is far from easy. Aside from having to spend time setting up system accesses and ordering office supplies, one has to jump right in to the office culture with two feet and do their best to blend. Otherwise, you’ll be labeled with a title without even knowing it. You’ll most often be branded “New Guy” or “Quiet Guy,” but these are commonplace. Because other than an additional new hire coming on board or you yelling at the top of your lungs to announce your daily arrival, these things aren’t going to change for weeks.

Here are three easy ways to make your identity at work more than just a picture ID on a lanyard.

1. Decorate your cube. You just started, so it’s improbable that your walls are already covered with documents and post-it notes. Take this opportunity to make it your home. Pictures of loved ones and sports team allegiances are essential, even if not original. Put something out that makes a good conversation piece. Like a mailpenguin in captivity.

2. Have a catchphrase. If for no other reason that getting rid of the “Quiet Guy” moniker, a catch phrase will get people thinking about your presence in the office and wondering why they don’t have a catch phrase of their own. I can’t say that I have one, but I have considered breaking out “Peace Be the Journey” for quite some time.

3. Be unique. There are other people in this office that got here before you, and they have strived to fashion an identity of independence and individuality. Don’t cramp their style. This includes other people’s preferences in fashion, writing utensil, work schedule, desktop wallpaper or e-mail signature. Be an original dude.

The reason that Office Style is the Topic du jour is because one of our extremely talented newbies isn’t following that aforementioned third rule. In one aspect, and one aspect alone, somebody is all up in my grill. And it’s not my clothes or my catchphrase, either. This man has copied my W.U.S.A.

No, not my defunct professional women’s soccer league, people! It stands for Writing Utensil Storage Apparatus. Or to the monosyllabically impaired, my ear.

Like an architect wannabe, I keep my pen or pencil not in a pocket or even a protector of said pocket, but rather behind my left ear. I have no idea where this started, but I know that it dates back at east through college when I could be sighted doing the very same thing with my straw at mealtime. This brazen move aims to draw attention to the pencil, despite the fact there’s nothing important about it. When someone sees me, they’re going to notice ol’ Dixon Ticonderoga simultaneously with any other facial feature I’ve got.

This method of implement transportation has its pros and cons as well. Pro: I always know where I put my pencil, thanks to consistency and the fear of poking myself with a lead harpoon any time I utilize peripheral vision. Con: I often go long parts of the day without removing the pencil from its perch. I have been accumulating a lovely selection of pens and such at home, all because I leave the office without checking myself. Not cool, especially in the morning when I get back to my desk and my ear is empty.

I’m the only one in the whole office that employs this carrying method. That’s my level of distinctiveness on the floor. That said, I’d like to welcome our new guy to the team, but kindly instruct him to remove that black ink dispenser from behind his ear. That’s all mine, man.

This is how I roll.