I'd Like to Teach the World to Bling

Idle summer weekends are few and far between. Other than my Saturday morning 4.5 hour brain drain that is Corporate Governance, this past weekend had no other events penciled in. This is probably good, considering the sheer strength required to lift Harford’s image of a gigantic pencil off of my ear perch may have put me out of commission for a few days. Therefore, penciling in things on Condon’s calendar is not just an obligation; it’s a safety hazard. Egad.

Unfortunately, in this age of Time Management Suicide, discretionary schedule gaps often result in the completion of TYPOs (Things You Put Off). It’s not that you don’t WANT to get miscellaneous errands and tasks done; you just can never find ample time to complete them. This was such a weekend where I got motivated and eliminated so many TYPOs from the agenda, that I guarantee there won’t even be a single keyboarding error in today’s blog. Yeah. What.

As a working class, young professionals share many of the same TYPOs that hold more intention than attention. Haircuts, oil changes, bank visits – these all would be grand things to do on the way home from work, but there’s some magnetic force on your route home that prevents you from veering off the homeward path. Which leaves you shaggy-haired and cashless in a squeaky vehicle (squeakichle?)

Well, as the Smiths, Jesters, Rogers, and (future) Thompsons can attest, TYPOs are multiplied by a factor of threeve* when planning a wedding. As the big day approaches, more and more things will pop up to make the big day a flawless success. This past weekend, Katie and I did our best to knock some of these wedding TYPOs out of the matrimonial park. Heh, matrimonial park has a nice ring to it. Speaking of, this weekend we bought the wedding rings.

In a Christian wedding, there are many things one can forgo to maintain simplicity (swans meandering in the aisles?), but a cornerstone symbol of the joining of man and woman are the wedding rings. Without them, there’s a gaping hole in the phrase “With this _______, I thee wed.” Accept no substations, unless “hilarity” will “ensue.” Some random things that cannot fill in the blank: “circular saw,” “flank steak,” and “chimpanzee.” You see? You’ve got to buy a ring.

Ring shopping is not as easy as radio commercials make it to sound. Nor are all people buying rings black and white silhouettes, as DeBeers would have you believe. A jewelry store is actually a very normal place, with normal people looking to purchase jewelry. The staff is often very well-dressed and well-informed regarding the merchandise. NOTE: do not buy from a store with a salesman named Gem Diamond. He’ll rip you off big time.**

Again, pick a nice jewelry store where normal-looking people shop. We selected Jared. They had some nice features that really make shopping there enjoyable. There was a play area for kids, a free coffee bar, a security guard, and a courtesy umbrella bin to get to your car, and all of it was just part of the shopping experience. But since it was a sunny day on which I wasn’t planning to rob the place, and I am childless guy with a distaste for coffee, none of this was particularly helpful.

All that aside, it was still a pleasurable shopping experience. A woman named Alexa helped us pick out the perfect rings. While other salespeople have been overbearing, this woman knew how to kick back and watch as the sale fell into place.

Anyways, it looks like we finally had some success. Katie had a pretty good idea of her ideal in mind, and as luck would have it, they had the perfect ring. As for me, I was looking for a classic band, with my number one requirement being the ring should be “round.” Square rings can be murder on your knuckles. Not recommended at all.

*Threeve is NOT a TYPO. Name that reference, jerkpants.
**It had been too long since a SBTB reference. Just too long.