Sports Lance Can Do Other than Jousting

This week, the New York Daily News reported that 7-time winner of the Tour de France (that’s French for the Tour of France) Lance Armstrong has agreed to participate in the New York Marathon this November. When YABNews first got a hold of this, we thought that America had finally found a way to pull even with our Cold War rival Kenya in the running game.

But then we found out Lance not planning to use his bike.

So maybe he’s not a contender to win the thing, considering drafting in such a race only results in stepping on other people’s heels. That’s okay. Armstrong has done remarkable things for cancer research with his LiveStrong charity, as well as popularizing yellow bracelets as a fashion statement. Lance, if you’re reading, stop it. You have a marathon to train for.

Jim Brown. Bo Jackson. Deion Sanders. Michael Jordan? And now Lance Armstrong.

Two sport athletes are in rare air these days. Franchises are hesitant to allow their investment properties to play elsewhere in the off-season, only to roll their collective ankles when pulling down a tough offensive rebound. I can understand this completely. But just because huge salaries and non-participatory clauses exist in contracts doesn’t mean that YAB cannot dream. And since YAB is really just Condon, who has no problem with sleeping, there’s plenty of opportunity for YAB dreams.

Here is a list of other universally-known athletes and where the might find their second calling in another sport…

Tiger Woods – Ice Hockey – Look, Happy Gilmore didn’t seem to have a problem with going from the ice to the green, so why can’t the world’s greatest golfer do the reverse. He’d be a defenseman with a killer drive from the point, wear Nike gear from head-to-toe, and we’ll even let Buick get a free ad on the dasher boards. We’ll also place him on the Atlanta Thrashers so he can get a round in at Augusta every now and then.

Shaquille O’Neal – Rodeo - Aside from his oddly-funny sense of humor, Shaq’s best attribute is his size. Standing at 7’1” and 325 pounds, I would pay to see a bull just try to get the Diesel off its back. He could completely redefine the sport. Barry Bonds could have been an option here, but they don’t make cowboy hats for Size 34 heads. And in addition, this is a better option than Kazaam 2: Back to the Minors.

David Beckham – Cricket – Look, he’s done everything there is to do in soccer (you know, other than win the World Cup) He’s more recognizable than the Queen in England, and it’s time that he give some love to the other popular sport in the United Kingdom. I don’t understand a damn thing about cricket, but we could start calling his wife “Wicked Googly Spice.”

Brett Favre – Tennis – Seems to have that whole back-and-forth thing down pat. And I would love to see a Lambeau leap into the first row of Wimbledon.

Terrell Owens – Baseball – Oh, wait nevermind. There’s no crying in baseball.