It’s well-documented on YAB that I’m not averse to falling asleep in low places. Or high places. Or any places. Face it; I’m the Narco Milicic of the National Bedtime Association. Don’t believe me? Check here. Or here. Or even here.
No less well-documented is my love of movies as a hobby. There’s the DVD collection, and the movie posters in my apartment. There’s the movie trivia, and the Oscar Party. And even down there to the right (it’s ok, you can scroll) is a list of the last five flicks I saw, courtesy of the Film Critic. (By the way, the Wedding Date was just ‘on’ when I was getting ready for the day in Williamsburg. And since I couldn’t find Sports Center, well, I watched it. And to re-capture some masculinity I went out into the hotel lobby and hung some drywall and downed some bourbon.)
Today is where the well-documented COLLIDE.
Sleeping through movies.
The esteemed scholar of Slackerology, Chris Nordberg, once said that if you ever wanted Condon to fall asleep, all you had to do was put in a movie. That's true – on a couch. But going to a movie theater is a completely different atmosphere. The seats are more up-right, there’s popcorn to be eaten, and I’m not supporter of paying $9.50 for my naps.
Over at the aforementioned Film Critic, I have given 0-5 star ratings to 476 movies. They range from my all-time favorites (Mystic River, Almost Famous, L.A. Confidential) to complete wastes of film (Baby Geniuses, Surf Ninjas, Snake Eyes). There are movies that I’ve rated that no one else has rated (Very Long Engagement, anyone?) and there are movies that many have rated and I’ve failed to do so. One such example?
Michael Mann’s 1995 thriller “Heat.”
Heat is the first movie ever to feature Pacino and Deniro in the same scene. It’s in the IMDB Top 250. It was filmed without ever using a soundstage. In addition to the two Italian Stallions, it also features Kilmer, Voight, Sizemore, Ashley Judd, Natalie Portman and Bubba from Forrest Gump. None of this meant anything to me when I went with Joe Brescia and Tim Fischer in 1995 to see it in theater. I just went to see a cool-looking movie. So why haven’t I rated it?
The three of us often went to movies back then. There was one time where we decided to go see the Keanu Reeves flick “Hard Rain.” But when we got there, we saw that D3: The Mighty Ducks had just opened. Talk about a no-brainer decision. And if nothing else, it was totally worth switching plans to watch Joe walk up to the cute girl selling tickets and try and tell her he wanted to see the duck hockey movie while trying to flirt simultaneously. Like Charlie Conway on a breakaway.
But back to Heat. All three of us had finished a tough track meet earlier in the day, and for some reason thought we could handle a 10pm showing of a three hour movie. Sure enough, I made it through the first hour-forty, no problem. But after that, it’s anybody’s guess. Through the diner scene and the standoff near the airfield, all three of us were sound asleep in the third row of a sparsely populated movie theater. Of course, these were short-backed movie chairs, so it was only a matter of time until I readjusted and woke up –
- to the shot of a Boeing 747 flying right at the camera.
I’ve never been so scared in my life.
2 comments:
Never fallen asleep at a theater, even New Year's Day when I saw "The Green Mile" after only 2 hours of sleep the night before. Even though sleep is my super power, I've never slept in that place.
Even for Gigli. Perhaps J-Fleck is my Kryptonite?
I still saw more of Heat than I did Russian Ark. I could be mistaken, but I think DeNiro and Pacino starred in that movie together too??? Hmmm....no track meets and mid-afternoon vodka before movies. Check.
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