As we sit here on the couch watching the Miami Dolphins do battle with the defending Super Bowl champs, the Pittsburgh Steelers, we’re glad to see that television hasn’t forgotten how to entertain. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that this is the purpose of television; the summer programming schedule can drive someone to (gasp!) read books. And as a marketing major, I can say surely that you make advertisers cry when you do such a thing. But now that it is September, it’s time for the networks to make amends – and provide something decent to watch.
At the same time, September also signifies the return of football to our spectator sports radar. No sport is more fun to watch on television, and with all of the networks getting in on the broadcasting fun this year, the gridiron will be a major ratings boost for all. Yet, at the same time, these networks take the month of September to release their fall schedules.
32 teams will start the road to the Super Bowl this week. 32 new television shows will also start the road to Renewal this fall, hoping to gain a fan base and avoid cancellation. For YAB, who is not eligible for the Super Bowl and cannot be canceled, we figured the right thing to do was to give our fan base a preview of both the upcoming NFL season and a Fall TV preview – at the same time.
Crazy, no?
So here’s a simultaneous preview of the NFL and Fall TV, with a prediction as to which of each pairing will have the better season. Just read on, it’ll make sense by the third capsule. This will probably be four straight posts, there’s a lot of ground to cover here. (And whatever you do, don’t turn off your computer and read a book.)
NFC North
Green Bay Packers and Twenty Good Years (NBC, Wed, 8:30) – The premise of this comedy is simple. Two elder gents, played by John Lithgow and Jeffrey Tambor, decide they have 20 good years of life left, and in Odd Couple fashion, hilarity ensues with their adventures. NBC isn’t stupid – they know that they’ve got two seasoned vets who need help in their latter years to pull this off. Their solution? They named the characters John and Jeffrey. The Packers might need something like neon helmets to make 20-year vet Brett Favre’s job easier – last year he had a tough time figuring out which team to throw to. EDGE: Twenty Good Years
Chicago Bears and Standoff (FOX, Tue, 8:00) – Since TV writers have exhausted the CSI-type crime dramas, expect Standoff to begin the next TV crime wave – negotiator-centric series. And who else to star in this new wave than…Ron Livingston? The Office Space dude? How did this happen? Ron Livingston is a slacker! And what’s more, everyone was cool with Ron Livingston slacking off. Now he’s gonna negotiate with criminals? No way! And yet, we’ve paired Livingston’s new show with the Bears. For years, Chicago has been that slacker. Just killing time in the basement of the NFC North, like we expected them, too. And within the last two years, the Bears have gotten serious about their job, building a stellar defense and a strong running game. Don’t think their playoff appearance last year was a fluke. Like Ron Livingston, they’re not messing around anymore. EDGE: Chicago Bears
Minnesota Vikings and Runaway (CW, Mon, 9:00) – Former New Kid on the Block Donnie Wahlberg is back in the spotlight with his new show Runaway. (Ok, it’s the CW, so he’s near the spotlight – he can probably see it from his car in the parking lot or something.) He plays the leader of a family on the run, as fugitives wrongly accused of murder. While brother Mark is tearing up the box office in Invincible, Donnie is stuck matched up against Vikings, who are likely more guilty of a life of crime than the “Runaway.” Minneapolis police no doubt have the Vikes’ in their sights, after last season. From the sex boat party to Mike Tice scalping tickets to free agent pickup Koren Robinson driving drunk and fleeing cops, I think we know who should be on the run. Regardless, new RB Chester Taylor should have a huge year, running from whoever ends up chasing Team Purple. EDGE: Minnesota Vikings
Detroit Lions and Ugly Betty (ABC, Thu, 8:00) – Wow, what a matchup. For the TV side, you’ve Ugly Betty, an hour-long rookie that seems more predictable than the Steelers’ run-first offense. Ugly girl in the pretty fashion industry, and because it’s a drama-comedy, hilarity will only plan to ensue half of the time. Sure, it’s been a hit with its versions in Colombia, Mexico, India, and Germany – but the Devil Wears Prada already nailed this concept this past summer. (And I don’t think Meryl Streep is anywhere to be seen on this show.) But you know what’s really ugly? No, not Lions’ GM Matt Millen’s complete mismanagement of a promising franchise. No, not Jon Kitna being penciled in as their starting QB. We’re referring to the Lions’ coach Joe Cullen, who was arrested in the past week for "driving on public street without any clothes on. (NUDE)." Note: Cullen’s the defensive line coach, which means he’s probably a former d-lineman. Which means he’s probably a fat guy driving naked. Eech. EDGE: Both should be canceled by Thanksgiving.
NFC South
New Orleans Saints and Heroes (NBC, Mon, 9:00) – If there’s any town that needs football to be their hero, it’s New Orleans. While NBC’s intriguing new drama will focus on ordinary citizens that discover comic book-like superpowers, the Saints owner was nothing but villainous, suggesting aborting the mission and moving his team to San Antonio late last season. And yet, new players like Drew Brees and Reggie Bush are visibly excited to play in the Big Easy, and have already contributed to the re-building. With two exceptional running backs, the Saints’ success will depend on the design in the play calling. With Heroes, it will also be in the concept and design. EDGE: Heroes
Carolina Panthers and Smith (CBS, Tue, 10:00) – If your favorite team doesn’t have big names on its offense and you fear that this will prevent them from having a successful season, pay close attention to the model the Carolina Panthers used last year. All it takes is one player, and that player was Steve Smith. Not to be confused with this pro athlete or this pro athlete, Smith was a receiving machine last year on a team with an above-average QB and an oft-injured running back tandem, propelling them back into the playoffs. How will CBS’s Ocean’s Eleven-themed robbery drama fare? Well, it depends on the cast. They seem to be following the 24 Model of getting a movie star to lead the way. We just don’t think Ray Liotta can be their Steve Smith. EDGE: Carolina Panthers
Tampa Bay Buccaneers and The Bachelor: Rome (ABC, Mon, 9:00) – While NFL washout QB Jesse Palmer was fun to watch fumble his way through date after date a few seasons back, The Bachelor remains, along with Project Runway one of those reality shows that guys can watch with their girlfriends/wives without having to hate themselves for it in the morning. (Note: if you have a girlfriend and a wife, however, it is wise to watch the show with one or the other.) Granted, it won’t happen opposite Monday Night Football this year, but that’s probably okay. The Bachelor has been going downhill for quite some time. They’ve invoked the help of a charming Italian prince for this installment. Meanwhile, the Bucs are depending on their own descendent of NFL royalty, Phil Simms’ kid, QB Chris Simms. And while the prince will have many a carriage in Rome to use, Simms’ has a Cadillac in the backfield to cruise in. EDGE: Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Atlanta Falcons and The Game (CW, Sun, 8:30) – Until the Falcons either 1) teach Michael Vick how to think in the mindset of a throw-first quarterback or 2) give UVa grad Matt Schaub a chance to lead this offense, the Falcons will be competitive but never win the big one. Similarly, until the CW (the new hybrid of the WB and UPN) realizes that they 1) need a fresh start, dumping shows like Girlfriends (7 seasons? Really?) and 2) spin-offs of existing crappy shows like Girlfriends are an even worse idea, they will never make the major network leap like Fox did a decade ago. The Game is about being married to a pro football player, according to the show’s summary, the number 3 WR on this fictional team. FYI – the 3rd WR on the Falcons is Ashley Lelie. Nice name, Girlfriend. EDGE: Atlanta Falcons
Next Up: NFC East and NFC West
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