In Zod We Trust

We know that it’s hard to trust famous people. They exist on a completely different financial plateau than you and me, and that tends to alter their views, their politics, and their choice of clothing. We acknowledge that it’s hard to be famous – it can be a grueling swim with the phone is ringing and you’re stuck in the deep end of your Money Bin, but cell phones have made even that easier for you A-listers. From Mel Gibson to Tom Cruise to Jon Voight, everyone in Hollywood seems bent on giving us good reason to never trust them again.

(Oh, what? Why shouldn’t we trust Voight? Here’s why.)

On a slow news day at our sister site, Forbes Magazine, it appears that some sly intern got a cool idea to get a quick story with minimal work involved. While he should have been researching hedge funds and treasury bonds, he instead submitted a list of the Ten Most Trusted Celebrities in America. Why did he think this was such an easy gig? Easy. There are in fact only ten celebrities in America you CAN trust. But despite the made-up survey data and the cool embedded pictures, you can clearly tell this is the work of an intern. After all – the ten he gave us are completely untrustworthy. And as a civic duty, YAB now presents why you can’t trust Forbes’ Most Trusted Celebrities.

You’re welcome.

Oh, and the link to said list is here.

1. Tom Hanks – Just because we like to remind the super-successful of early career choices, it should be noted that two-time Best Actor Tom Hanks once dressed up as a woman with pal Peter Scolari in order to score cheap rent in an all-women apartment building. That might make him brilliant, and but it doesn’t make him a bastion of trust.
2. Rachael Ray – Generally speaking, politicians and leaders with something to hide often speak in louder volumes in order to seem more convincing and to take the focus off other aspects of their personalities. We give you PopWatch’s review of Rachael’s new talk show.
3. Michael J. Fox – Yes, the man has done incredible things with his charitable foundation for Parkinson’s disease, and he’s never played a single baddie in his illustrious TV and film career. He’s got the baby face that makes you want to trust him. That’s cool. But there’s a blemish on the record of MJF, and we had to go all the way back to 1988 to find it. Forbes Magazine, as a leading publication in the financial community, should not be recognizing a man who in an attempt to get rich quick via a clever purchase and time travel, bought the Gray’s Sports Almanac in such a scheme.
4. Oprah Winfrey – Hey, if Letterman has trouble trusting you, and he’s the Voice of the People…
5. James Earl Jones – Yeah, nothing weird about trusting a man responsible for building not one but TWO Death Stars. Yeah, I can sleep at night with that pick.
6. Denzel Washington – steals candy from babies.
7. Ty Pennington – For those of you who do not know Pennington, he’s the host of ABC’s wildly successful Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Each week, Ty and friends change the lives of some hard-luck family by ripping their current abode to shreds and erecting something much bigger and better in its place. It’s hard to not trust a guy who does this for a living. But what happens if something goes wrong on the set of his show? What if they can’t make the deadline? What if the concrete base settles everything on less than a 90 degree angle? All I’m saying is you might have a crazed host with a nearby supply of nail guns and circular saws. Yikes.
8. Ron Howard – once shot a man in Reno for spite.
9. Morgan Freeman – was the wheelman for the notorious spiteful Reno killer, Ron Howard.
10. Reese Witherspoon – someone who’s most famous for player a lawyer? Really? And what’s more, a lawyer with a sequel? Wow. Stupid intern.