Can we please make fun of the New York Islanders today? Please?
Even as a one man writing and editing team, I have an internal struggle with what to post each day for fear of alienating any one readership group. And after last weekend’s massive NFL-TV preview, I was hesitant to do another sports story so soon after such an athletic overload. That’s a shame, because at a point this week where the idea well had run dry, the Isles were feeding me material left and right. Well, it’s been long enough since that last sports topic, and now, let’s delve into the managerial maelstrom that is the New York Islanders.
The New York Islanders are one of those forgotten franchises in pro sports. Guys will often play the game (perhaps on a car trip or treadmill) where they try and name all the pro sports franchises for a given league. Why? Because other games are much too hard to play on a treadmill (Could you imagine Treadmillopoly? Thought not.) So for the few who attempt the NHL, the Atlantic Division often rattles off as “Philly, the Rangers, the Devils, the Penguins, and…hmm…okay…maybe I should give Treadmillopoly a try.”
Behold the Power of the New York Islanders.
Not only they the forgotten franchise of the NHL and the Atlantic Division, they’re even forgotten in their own city. With the Rangers on Broadway, there’s not much press for the team who once thought this uniform, an homage to the Gorton’s Fisherman, was a good idea. But rather that capturing the hockey fan’s attention by putting the puck in the net and victories in the win column, the Isles have taken an alternate approach to acquiring press.
Let crazy people run the team.
You know Computer Associates, right? They’re the company that creates software for corporate business enterprise systems. While that may sound boring, we love that after listing their storied list of products, Wikipedia also notes that as of September 1, CA “removed towel service in the CA Gym.” Bunch of savages.
CA was started by Charles Wang, and while running the company, he made a lot of money. Wang was good at what he did and therefore, was handsomely rewarded. Enough so that he was able to buy himself a nice big present in 2000. Yep, you guess it. The New York Islanders.
We could put a few paragraphs of straight talkin’ hockeyspeak that would illumniate the ineptitude that the new GM used through the first 5 years of the Wang Dynasty. Botched draft picks, silly trades, and even trusting in Satan got the Isles’ nowhere fast. But now, Wang has taken it to the next level. Of Hell.
After a 2005 campaign that left NY outside the playoffs for the first time since 2001, they decided to go in a new direction, hiring Neil Smith as their new general manager. Smith entered into the Islander Pentavirate, whereby Wang, Coach Ted Nolan, Smith, and former Isles Pat LaFontaine and Bryan Trottier make decisions in the same fashion as the Big 5 of the UN Security Council – unanimous or else. Apparently, like Ross on friends, GM Neil Smith only skimmed his contract, avoided reading the small print, and upon finding this 41 days later, promptly left the organization. The only shorter head managerial tenure occurred when William Henry Harrison coached the Red Wings in the 40’s – but somehow he caught pneumonia being around so much ice.
With a GM vacancy mere months before opening night, most owners would scour the league’s former coaches and current support staff to replace Nolan. Not Charles Wang, he’s not most owners. Islander fans, welcome your new GM – backup goalie Garth Snow!!!!
Huh?
We admit that goaltending is an important component of a hockey team, but does that make a netminder fit to run the company? In the business world, this is the equivalent of taking the firm’s junior comptroller and moving him to the head of the boardroom table. Which not only must anger the senior comptroller, but make us all wonder – what the hell is a comptroller?
But the junior comptroller doesn’t forget where he comes from – the net. Hopefully, this explains why new GM Garth Snow just signed their starting goalie Rick DiPietro, to a 15 year, 67.5 million contract. Yes, that’s right. 15 years. I’m going to be 41 years old, and this guy will still be under contract for the Islanders. What happens in 2008 if DiPietro’s skills decline in a few years, and a new hotshot is ready to become a starter. Don’t worry – DiPietro will only be on the bench for the next 1,066 games.
The Islanders – it’s like shooting fishermen in a barrel.
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