My Honor Student Just Won a Prize

We’ll be the first to admit that it hasn’t exactly been a banner year for America in the arena of global competition. The Winter Olympics produced many disappointing finishes for our gold medal favorites, Bode Miller being at the top of the list. Last month we lost to Greece in a game we invented, at the International Basketball Championships held in Japan. Similarly, the US of A finished a remarkable 8th in the World Baseball Classic despite playing the tourney on home soil. USA Hockey? 8th again. Ryder Cup team? Blown out. And of course, the Stars and Stripers didn’t make it that far in the World Cup. Jocks of America, for shame.

But what about our geeks?

In a year where patriotic championships are a lost cause, those who were likely mathletes in high school have picked up the slack for the athletes by emphasizing our cerebral superiority in world affairs. Each year, some report comes out saying that as far as education goes, we’re right on pace with Bhutan or Latvia or somewhere else with little world power, and yet, we continue to dominate as a global leader (assuming athletics are nowhere to be found.) But just because only 43% of Americans know where Ohio is, that doesn’t mean our dorks can’t rule the school.

America: Land of the Free and Home of the Nobel Prize.

You see, there are many ways to make a team a champion. Look at the recent few who have hoisted the trophy in their respective sports. The Steelers did it on a team-based effort with no outright superstars and strong team mentality. The Chicago White Sox, while long gone this season, did it with one strong aspect (pitching) and the rest of the aspects being above-average. The Carolina Hurricanes? Veteran leadership and timely goaltending. But what of the Miami Heat? After global stars Dwayne Wade and Shaquille O’Neal, what else do they have? It’s a proven way to win – give the ball to the best guy on the team.

That’s how we roll in academia. Rather than well-educate the masses of the United States, we’ve got a few intellectual superstars and we’ll let them do the heavy lifting. Take Edmund S. Phelps, who took home the Nobel in Economic Sciences over the weekend. He has helped us all further understand the “trade-offs between inflation and effects on unemployment.” So what if our eight graders think that photosynthesis is no longer needed now that we all have digital cameras? I now understand inflation-unemployment trade-offs, thanks to my fellow countryman, Edmund S. Phelps!

But our Nobellian dominance has by no means begun and ended with Phelps. Three other awards have been handed out this year, and each one has been awarded to one of our Dr. Shaqs. In the field of medicine, Drs. Craig Mello and Andrew Fire have discovered a gene disabling technique that will, um, er, revolutionize the means by which we will disable genes. Granted, while this accomplishment may be great, I would be tempted to award these two the medal strictly on the opportunity to meet a guy names Dr. Fire.

As for chemistry, good old American Roger D. Kornberg has something new for his mantle, taking home the Nobel for his studies on how cells take in information from genes to produce proteins. Good thinking! For the record, Canada’s entry in this arena, “Does mixing Molson with Labatt Blue get your drunk faster?” was also considered, but largely dismissed as being “too risky for the Scandanavians to recreate at the ceremony.”

Surely, we’ve got the world of Physics hanging on our every last American word these days, as the tag team of Smoot and Mather for their further convincing the world that the big bang theory is THE theory when it comes to universal creation. That’s good news for Busta Rhymes, who whether you like it or not, has got you all in check.

U-S-A!