Alphabetical Re-Order

A new child’s intelligence is one of the things that parents worry about the absolute most. Yes, there are some inherent genetics involved in your kid’s capacity to be smart (we’re pretty sure God didn’t bless Einstein and Mongo in quite the same way), but a lot of it has to do with the educational tools you provide him/her in his/her formidable years.

(Ok, screw this pronoun crap. From now on, we’re using she and her. You know, in case Clara can read right out of the womb, not to mention use the internet. Now that’s baby intelligence.)

So how does one give his newborn the opportunity to be smart? There are lots of educational games and videos you can use, and reading to her is not a bad idea, either. In fact, the Baby Einstein series not only aims to create learning activities for little ones; it’s an official Who’s Who of the great minds in history? Think you were the number one artist ever, Donatello? Sorry, the folks at B.E. have decided on Leonardo da Vinci. You may now return to being more famous for being the purple ninja turtle than your sculpting.

Over the weekend, I’ve decided on a cheap, easy, and effective way to ensure my kid’s on her way to intellectual greatness. You see, the building blocks of our entire system of language (despite what Mattias or Nordberg might think) are the letters of the alphabet. In order to know how to write, converse, form words or sentences, one must have a solid grasp on their A’s, their B’s, their C’s, and the other 23 underappreciated letters. And how do we impart the knowledge of these letters in our society?

By linking words to them.Surely, you’ve seen the picture books or inventive kid-art that further defines the learning curve for little ones, right? The template of “Letter is for Word that Commences with said Letter” is timeless and useful. A, as is often the case, is for Apple. And Z, most likely, is for Zebra. So not only has your toddler learned the alphabet, she may have picked up an eclectic list of produce, animals, and household items along the way.However, learning these 26 words aren’t going to get you into Harvard. That’s where my method comes in.As your child progresses their way through the alphabet, the words should get progressivelt harder and more complex. We are not eschewing the learning curve; we just feel that there’s no real challenge by the time she gets to X-Ray, Yarn, and Zebra. So make it a challenge to advance to the next level. Start easy, but by the end, make it an accomplishment. After all, with my method, if your kid is talking to Grandma and throws in some of this vocabulary, Grandma will probably be so impressed she agrees to pay for college. Bonus!

Chris Condon’s Baby Alphabet follows.
A is for Apple
B is for Ball
C is for Cow
D is for Door
E is for Elephant
F is for Farmer
G is for Gall Bladder
H is for Humidity
I is for Industry
J is for Juvenile
K is for Kazakhstan
L is for Lemonade
M is for Momentum
N is for Nectarine
O is for Ovechkin
P is for Photosynthesis
Q is for Quakkelaar
R is for Revolution
S is for Semiconductor
T is for Transubstantiation
U is for Urban Sprawl
V is for Vernacular
W is for Walker, Texas Ranger
X is for Xenodocheionology
Y is for Ytterbium
Z is for Zaibatsu