Laptop, Drop, and Roll

How did Mondays become "Complain about Technology Days"? I mean, I have plenty of other things to write about here in the blog, what with Jeremiah Trotter striking fear into the hearts of punters, my triumphant return to gym life, or the lingering effects of cleaning with lemon-scented Pledge (I'm still seeing stars...). Instead, much like last week, the week must start off with a crisis of the electronic variety.

Last week's problem was the low quality of my internet connection at home. Well, here's a quick update. After a week of enduring more sporadic service than a Burger King drive-thru at 1 in the morning, I went to work on the cable modem Saturday night. Checked the diagnostics, shut down and rebooted, reconfigured the wiring, hired a small neighborhood child to report college football scores since SI.com could not....you know, all the solutions they have in the manual. "How dumb, how dumb, my ma-a-an-u-el. I left that book in I-ih-is-ra-el." And then, the unthinkable happened. I kicked the web of wiring down by the base of the standing lamp, and WHOOOOOOOSH! Hey now, hey now, my internet's back.

I wish this one was that, uh, simple.

I'd like to provide the transcript of the dialogue between my work laptop and I, circa 8:25 this morning.

CPC: Alright, computer. Time to make the donuts.
CPU: ...
CPC: What do you mean you don't talk? Oh. I have to turn it on first.
Stapler: Are you coming on to me?
CPC: Shut up, Stapler. Just because you can talk doesn't mean you have to.
CPU: Click. Click. Click.
CPC: That's odd...
CPU: KA-BOOM!!!!!!
CPC: (getting up from the ground, after his cubicle has just exploded.) That hasn't happened before.
CPU: Click. Click. Click.
Stapler: I warned you.
CPC: Staplers can't talk!
CPU: Primary Hard Drive not found. Press F1 to retry. Press F2 for settings.
CPC: F1.
CPU: beep.
CPC: F1.
CPU: BEEP.
CPC: F1.
CPU: BEEP. KA BOOM!!!!
CPC: I gotta stop making donuts with a computer.

~My Laptop~ 2002-2004. "Dead because Condon never named Me."

Umm...how's Paperweight for a name?