Outsourcing my Answers

I was just downstairs in the cafeteria, looking for a bagel that would butter itself (I'm much too tired to deal with the mundane, I have paperwork to process.) As I was leaving, some guy who I recognize from the gym said, "Hey, what's going on?" Now, this seems perfectly normal, and on most days I could have volleyed back a "Same old" or perhaps a "not too much." But when you are greeted by someone you vaguely recognize, your brain quickly becomes fixated on recalling his name, or at least coming up with a funny alterego. As a result, I found myself completely dropping the ball with my response to Ab Cruncher, as I forced a last-minute "pretty good." It appears I was expecting him to ask "how I was doing," or perhaps "how's that bagel treating you." Not satisfied with this, I did the only thing possible to avoid this situation again. In turn, I asked someone else the question in question, "what's going on?" Yep. I asked Jeeves.

Jeeves is rarely helpful, but is usually entertaining. And while I know that he probably won't be able to provide me with the perfect zinger for the "What's going on" question, he'll at least be able to prevent me from rambling off lyrics from the same-titled songs of Marvin Gaye or Zebrahead (that would be a killer tour...) Ok, let's see what the cyberbutler has for us today...

"Quick definitions for "going on": (vb) come to pass; (vb) continue a certain activity; (vb) move forward, also in the metaphorical sense.
- Ok, well in that case, I could have answered,
a) I just passed the juice cart.
b) Bagelhunting, my man.
c) Oh, wow. Would you like to know the meaning of life while I'm at it?

Next on Jeeves' list o' helpful stuff is the Death Clock. What a joker, that Jeeves is. Someone asks Jeeves what is going on, and he tells them when they're going to die. (This sounds eerily familiar...Mattias?) This is why I can count on Jeeves. He's always there to remind us of our mortality. Jeeves, on the other hand, is an immortal. No wonder he's aging so well.
- Well, since it was there, I had to check out the old timepiece of doom. I just wanted to let you all know that this helpful calculator is a sham. I hit the compute button with the same stats 5 times, and it gave me a different date (in different years) each time. Either it's a poorly constructed website, or the grim reaper does his best work with a dartboard.

Number three on the big board was a link to the official homepage of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Conclusion: on a Monday, you can probably get away with football talk in the cafe, and people will be satisfied. In that case, I'm answering:

"I love T-O running loops,
McNabb and chunky soup
Long snap cel-e-bra-tions
and twins.

I love Philly in Detroit
Coach Kilmer was Jon Voight
Loved Dawson's oop-tee-oop
And those twins.

And Jeeves is a tool. Here's to football!"