Living in Geekdom

Well, it’s official. This world views me as a geek.

Never mind the fact that over the course of my life I have been caught in the act of many a thing that pundits would rule as geeky. When I was little, I considered a fun afternoon to be taking an encyclopedia and trying to hand draw all the national flags of the world so that I had my own collection, “just in case.” Just in case of what? I don’t think the UN would be satisfied knocking on my door in times of a flag shortage. After all, when you use green construction paper as your background, places like Japan, France, and the U.S. are going to have a bone to pick with you.

Aside from my Betsy Rossish ways, there was more that I can think of that has occurred that has put me dangerously on the line of the geek. Going to band practice voluntarily, smart-kid classes, an unusual interest in state capitals, my computers having identities, wearing my white socks high around my knees when I was six, finding Sports Night to be hilarious, and did I mention I write a blog?

But now it’s official. Hand me my identification card and I’ll pay my dues. And, as anyone this side of the Outer Rim could have predicted, it was Star Wars that played the card that forced me to fold my hand of cool and confident. Who likes back story? I do! I do!

It all started with a game.

The Statler and Waldorf of the William and Mary circuit, one Jon Rogers and one Jasen Andersen are those who must be held accountable for this craze. I don’t know of its actual origin, but like most things that deserve tall tales, it’s not all that important. All that needs to be known is that Mr. Rogers is the proud owner of the Star Wars Epic Duels board game, and it is as addictive as Condon is wordy. Here’s what you need to know for the summary challenged. It’s a SW themed game that’s a cross between Risk and Magic. It goes on for hours. It’s never the same game twice. Greedo is terrible.

But wait, there’s more…

While most people seeking recreational fun would be content with playing Epic Duels ad infinitum, the Jedi Council of Andersen, Mellor, and Condon had other plans. Continuing to eschew original thought, a parody was in order. Names like Count Dooku and Boba Fett quickly took the identities of Sara and Nordberg. Attacks like “Jedi Mind Trick” or “Thermal Detonator” morphed into “Throckmosis” or simply “Phone It In.” Game boards were redesigned, game pieces were forged, and anticipation mounted. All we need are some character decks of playing cards, and it’s blastoff time.

Oh. Right. The cards.

And here’s why the world sees me through geek-colored eyeglasses. The cards that we needed essentially were digital photographs of the WM alums being used, and some templates provided my the Geeks of the Internet. After this, Microsoft should anoint me the High King of MSPaint. Yes, they turned out THAT good. Ctrl + P and I’m done!

Here’s the problem with that. My 2.5” by 3.5” works of art would not be done justice by my stupid printer, Pongo 2.0. Looks like I’m going to have to involve another human being. Great.Going to Kinko’s should be an enjoyable time. One should feel completely comfortable about walking through the door with their document, handing it over to the capable reprographic team behind the desk, and returning hours later to find said document professionally produced and ready to go. But there’s a problem here.
Most documents aren’t weirdo cards that assign attack and defense values to normal looking photos.

Regardless, I played it cool. Walked up to the desk, calmly explained that I have two documents on this flash drive that I need one color copy of each. The guy said that wouldn’t be a problem, could have it done in an hour. Sounds like I am home free, eh?

WRONG.

He then continues by saying that he needs to get the two files off of the drive and put onto one of the Kinkomputers. I was kind of hoping that I would have been long gone before he saw what freakygeek thing I was trying to print. And as he opened the file, I was kind of hoping a locomotive would drive through the storefront, ending this awkward encounter ASAP.

You know it’s bad when the guy called over some co-workers just to show them your work. Don’t mind me, I’m the guy who would blend in if I were standing in front of the Kool-Aid Man right now. When he returned to the counter, he came with my flash drive, a smirk, and stamp – officially declaring Condon a geek.

Longest 10 minutes of my life.