Shoe Money Tonight

In the midst of some post-work errands, I now realize that the modern mall is in fact dying. Not so much the mall part – after all who the heck can’t go for a Cinnabon and Orange Julius right now? – since there will always be teenagers with no particular place to go. No, the better documented decline lies within the doors of the department store.

(This is impressive, since the mall-side entrance to these stores actually favor the “wide, gaping openings” over “doors” any day of the week.)

Yes, within the last ten years, the “anchors of the mall” have been hemorrhaging cash, much in the way we expect our airlines to. And this is a problem, considering we don’t actually need department stores – unless they can in fact get me from Dulles to Orlando for $79 one-way. Many people have theorized why department stores have lost the luster they once had in the early twentieth century. Some say it is the discount superstores that have sent them back on their heels. Others would decree it is the online shopping revolution that has kicked Macy’s and Friends to the curb. All of these external reasons have had the leaders of these once-great stores scrambling to adapt in a new economy.

As usual, YAB comes to the rescue. Psst…hey guys…listen here.

Of all the problem and all the factors that can be taken to task that have spawned the “departmentally insane,” NOTHING is more ridiculous than the shoe department.

Mens’ or Women’s, it doesn’t really matter. Department stores do it the same way. They carve out a nice 3500 square feet of their store, often in a high-traffic intersection near the door or by the ever-popular fragrance depot (a migraine waiting to happen.) Yes, 3500 feet may not seem like a lot, but then figure that’s probably 3-5 times the size of your apartment (for those communal dwelling readers out there.) Now think about that apartment you have/had. If you were to sell shoes out of your apartment, how many different shoes could you put on display for shoppers to consider buying (and prevent them from going into your fridge and eating the last Hot Pocket)? Hundreds, right? Remember, you only need to show one shoe of every pair.

The department stores, on the other hand, pride themselves on making your shoe-buying experience as spacious as possible. Apparently at some point, some consumer firm must have put out a well-read report that stated the number one thing a consumer hates is “shoes up in their grill” (citation needed.) So the department stores have gone to the extreme by showcasing as few shoes as humanly possible.

You got a nice 3x3 foot table? That’s 9 square feet of showroom display. We’ll put nearly 5 shoes on there, often on transparent risers that give every shoe that “just out of the fairy tale” look. (Note: there’s nothing fairy tale about a Size 12 loafer.)

(Another note: Our senior year of WM, Chris Nordberg was a Size 12 loafer.)

In order to make the shoe show room more airy, all wall shelving is recessed so that they can put approximately four shoes on a 6 foot wide panel. Do you have any idea how many DVDs I could store on just one of those shelves? Yeah, I’m jealous. And it no longer boggles my mind why department stores can’t make money.

(But hey, they do have man chairs for guys to sit in – a lost art in department stores these days. So they’ve got that going for them.)

I’m not professing adopting the chaotic vertigo that is DSW Warehouse, but something must be done. Either show more shoes to increase variety, increase choice, and increase the bottom line, or cut the shoe section in half by moving all the current shoes to a more compact section and put in an Auntie Anne’s in the middle of the store. Who couldn’t go for a pretzel right now?

I know Lord’s all for it, now if I could just convince that bastard Taylor…