Hi. I'm Blog Man.

With Christmas shopping reminders everywhere, YAB is lucky to know that you’re sitting here in front of your computer rather than killing time at work purchasing gifts for loved ones at one of those e-commerce superstores. Yeah, we may not have a shopping cart here for you to you, but take solace that we were part of a nefarious scheme to steal a shopping cart in order to film a scene of Mafia: The Move.

No shopping carts were harmed in the filming of Mafia: The Movie.

For Katie and I in Apartment World, we don’t have to deal with many of those store circulars. First off, we don’t subscribe to a newspaper, since the web is perfectly fine as a periodical source (if you don’t mind those creepy dancing silhouette people in the pop up ads for Lowermybills.com.) Secondly, we live in a new building, so junk mailers don’t even know our residence exists. If you would like to mail us a Christmas card, our address is

The Condons
Under the Radar
Question Mark, Virginia 22Q3BORK

However, when we do come across the latest ad from Best Buy or Circuit City, we’re pleased to see that no matter which side of the Nintendo Wii vs. Sony Playstation 3 battle you take, you’ve supported the economy of the Rising Sun.

I, for one, welcome our Japanese electronic overlords.

With the exception of Xbox, our video gaming lives have been centered around the creative ideas of Japanese programmers. Some games have translated incredibly well – others leave you more confused than when you began. (Take this one, for example.) It is true that video games have made great advancements over the systems on which our generation was raised. But little has changed as to the mentality of the Japanese programmer. Their maxim remains the same: “We can make the Americans scared of ANYTHING.”

Perhaps this is why so many recent horror movies have been based on a Japanese original. The Ring, The Grudge, Mr. Baseball – all of them have roots in the far East. But when Japan decided we needed to turn random elements of nature and science into nightmares for children, they turned to a tiny space warrior with a penchant for getting sucked into games of chicken with a mad scientist a la Marty McFly. That’s right.

We’re talking about Mega Man.

Mega Man, whose only qualifications to be a hero of over 10 editions of the same game is that he’s well, Mega, is an eternal struggle with Dr. Wily, who’s probably much luckier than had his surname been Clumsy or Eatspaste. Each game in the series forces double-M to do battle with a series of robots with specific strengths based on what ever chapter in his high school science book the good Doctor had opened that day. (Why Wily never figured out assembly line production or Nuclear Man is beyond this blog.)

The first game featured robots that could harness the true powers of the universe, and thus, strike fear into the hearts of American children. Ice Man, Bomb Man, Fire Man – all worthy adversaries that did well to not get lost in translation. Later editions of the series would feature foes such as Metal Man, Heat Man, Needle Man, Skull Man – and Mega Man handled them all with class. (Little did Dr. Wily know, Mega Man’s real weakness? The ladies.)

However, some horrific ideas just didn’t take. Wily and his Japanese brain trust, clearly up against some publishing deadline, slid in a few characters, that will, just didn’t hit that fright standard. The worst five follow now.

1. Bubble Man (MMII) – Never once have seen a bubble coming right for my car windshield and thought, “Oh my God – I’ve got to veer for my life.”
2. Centaur Man (MMVI) – His special talent? Redundancy!
3. Wood Man (MMII) – Here’s a picture. You decide if he’s scary, or just a national park malcontent.
4. Dust Man (MMIV) – If there’s a household appliance specifically designed to bust your superpower, your power probably isn’t all that super.
5. Gyro Man (MMV) – You like-uh the juice?
   

Sadly, Rocket Man was never an enemy in the Mega Man series. Will it ever happen? Well, we think it’s gonna to be a long, long time.