Stairway to Fritos

“Big wheels keep on turnin’”

As I’ve surely commented many times in the past, my building contains a lobby shop to benefit the employees contained within said building. Now if it were to truly benefit said employees, everything in it would be free. However, there’s probably two reasons this doesn’t happen. First, the rules of commerce state that if one wants to run a successful retailing operation, one must earn revenue to offset and possibly outrun thy expenses. Secondly, this would be the only way someone would ever actually leave a convenience store in possession of a Zagnut candy bar. And as we all know, such an unlikely event occurring would cause the universe to implode.

Yet another reason to support capitalism.

As we’ve touched on in the past, the Lobby Shop serves many purposes. It’s a dry cleaning headquarters. It’s an incentive forum for child labor. It’s where men can learn how hard women have it in life. Oh, and they sell the finest meats and cheeses for all its subjects. But what’s more -

They listen to Classic Rock.

”Come on and take a Free Ride. Come on and sit here by my side.”

The very idea of pumping music into a store to improve customer morale is not an unusual idea in the retail industry, nor is it lightly researched. As a WM marketing major, I swear I did at lease three case studies on such a phenomenon. The premise is simple. Music makes people happy. Happy people spend money. And shopping in complete and deafening silence makes people think they’re being watched, thus turning them into self-conscious, uneasy, uberfrugal moneymongers. So yeah, a little muzak doesn’t hurt nobody.

“Girl, you really got me now…”

I guess I first noticed this format flip from crappy office music, the likes of Phil Collins and Celine Dion, to “the latest and greatest from the decade that played what you want to hear” a few weeks ago, when I stopped down at the Old Shoppe for a candy bar (and yeah, it wasn’t a Zagnut.) As I scanned the racks for a decent snack, I found myself tapping my feet to Black Water by the Doobie Brothers. (You know – “Old Black Water, keep on rolling, Mississippi moon...) And then last week, while shopping for a greeting card, it was Aerosmith’s Dream On. This morning, though, it finally hit me. Wolfman Jack must run this lobby shop, because we were rocking out to Jumpin’ Jack Flash by the Stones. The Stones!

(James Blunt. Get out. Seriously. We who are about to rock, buy gum and stamps.)

“Come on baby, light my fire.”

The best part about this? The employees of the Lobby Shop are completely oblivious to their excellent choice of music station. (Normally, I’m not a classic rock recordhead, but I guess when it comes to this, nothing makes me what to decide on a variety of Sun Chips quite like the guitar riffs of Three Dog Night or Creedence.) Behind the counter is an ever-rotating unit of four Korean women, all in their late-forties or so. They’re all very, very friendly, and very helpful when I come seeking 24 dress shirts with medium starch, but do they realize their excellent choice in muzak? It’s like they don’t even realize it’s on!

So those who have come here to work can now also come here to rock.

“Come together. Right Now. Over me.”