Meter Mail, Volume 1

A common feature of many well-read blogs is the reader mailbag. This features the editor, most likely out of original ideas and grasping for a new way to further incorporate his readership into a heightened level of interactivity, taking questions and answering them in an informative and helpful manner. Bill Simmons at ESPN is by far the best at said practice, and normally I’d link you to one of his columns doing just that, but he still hasn’t answered any of MY e-mails, including the following:

Bill,
What the hell happens if Tiki Barber retires and ends up on 20/20 waiting for Kornheiser to die so he can take his place along Tirico and Theisman? Does he fade into obscurity since no one watches 20/20? Or does he trying really hard to score interviews with Bush, the Pope, Brangelina, and Jesus only to have the managing editor take him out and have Brandon Jacobs conduct them?
Chris, VA

However, YAB isn’t as well-read as Simmons, and none of you people e-mail me questions (with the exception of Caro – I’m going to get to that soon, btw), so one would think it would be pretty hard to use the Reader Mail as a recurring feature for the blog. And since making up questions seems a little narcissistic (which I can’t believe I spelled right on the first try), we have to go to another source – the Site Meter.

If you ever scrolled down to the bottom of YAB, you’d see that since December-something 2004, there’s been a little monkey that’s been keep count of how many people visit YAB. And as we’ve mentioned in The Adventure of Links, it also reveals how some wayward surfers have searched for and ended up with something on our site. As of late, it seems that searches have often been typed in the form of a question, so even though at the time we weren’t much help, a column should help now in our new segment, Meter Mail.

(all questions are actual wrong turns to our website)

“Can someone please explain the movie Danika to me?”
- Columbia, South Carolina

Well, Columbia, I can’t say I’ve seen this 2006 movie starring Marissa Tomei, so there’s probably not a whole lot I can say. But I do know that her husband it the guy Russell Crowe pummels in Cinderella Man, and since Mr. Crowe and I are best buds, here’s a few bonus thoughts concerning Danika. First off, Marissa Tomei’s best performance is no doubt the one for which she won an Oscar, in My Cousing Vinny. But after that? Hands down – her cameo as Marissa Tomei on Seinfeld. Secondly, you probably noticed we’ve linked twice to IMDB in this very response. Does anyone remember what we did prior to IMDB, or a time when there wasn’t an IMDB? I remember sophomore year casting my Shawnee friends as the Kevin Smith universe, and I couldn’t remember Joey Lauren Adams’ character in Chasing Amy. I was forced to call the role “JLA” on the list. Was IMDB not around in 1999? Moving on…

“What was the oop d oop trick play from Varsity Blues movie?”
- Thousand Oaks, California

Wow! That’s a lot of oaks! Anyways, I can actually answer this question, rather than just reference the play in last year’s post on the NFL Coaching Carousel. The oop-tee-oop, a masterful passing play introduced by VanderBeek, featured 5 receivers – one split out on the left side, while the other four lined up right side, in the shape of a 2 x 2 box. The play is designed to isolate the solo receiver, one on one, against a corner, while the complete chaos of four received running slants and outs on the right demand the rest of the secondary’s attention. I have a question in return, T-Oaks. Does this movie make James Caan “Mr. Tweeder.”?

“Explain when you dive for a coin at the bottom of a pool, it's not where you think it is.”
- Minneapolis, Minnesota

Apparently, there aren’t banks in Minnesota.