Always Bet on Black?

I thought we made it clear long, long ago that I’m not a big fan of e-mailed advertisements. Unless you’re offering a discount on something I was already going to buy (read: EA Sports), I’m probably not going to frequent your website just because you thought it would be fun to reach out and say hello. Yeah, everyone likes getting e-mail, and we think it is real fancy when you’re able to work our actual name into your sales pitch, but ultimately, you’re just wasting our time and our server space.

Believe it or not, one does have control over what e-ads (we assume the hyphen is in place of the letter “g”) appear in his/her inbox. If you choose to closely guard your address by not entering it anywhere on the Internet, you’re probably pretty safe. However, keep in mind by staying under the radar like that probably won’t get you to the level of popularity you need to be Homecoming Queen, either. You’ll have to achieve that post the old fashion way – by begging and whining to MTV to be an episode of “Made.” What was I talking about? Ooh, shiny.

I tend to only use my main e-mail address on websites from which I’d like some sort of documentation or receipt. I figure it’s a way better plan than them mailing me an actual receipt, which I’ll inexplicably stuff into my wallet and keep there until Katie insists I clean out the raging sea of paper that it has become. After all, when the baby’s here, we don’t want her crawling into my wallet, only to go missing for long periods of time.

(Let’s wait until she’s 16 for her to go missing with access to my credit cards, shall we?)

Anyways, one of the e-mails I receive about once a week comes from a website called Tastings Journal. I can’t exactly remember why, either. In general, it’s a website that offers you meal offers at insanely-outrageous restaurants for only slightly-outrageous prices. I really have no idea how they have it, unless OpenTable.com is being generous with their proprietary data. I can’t tell you what the e-mails say; I delete them much too quickly to comprehend the words they contain. Anyways, I decided that I have had enough of the Tastings Journal, and unsubscribed this morning. Their response?

This is the last email you will receive from us. We have added you to our "blacklist", which means that our newsletter system will refuse to send you any other email, without manual intervention by our administrator.

I’ve been blacklisted?

How about “unsubscribed” or even “begrudgingly ignored???” No, no, I’ve been blacklisted. My e-mail address has been added to a long list of people who do not like to eat gourmet cuisine for less-than-gourmet prices. And if there were ever a new fancy restaurant to open nearby, they would be warned NOT to contact me for my business. My money’s no good there, and Tastings Journal wants to make sure it stays that way.

What did I do to deserve this?

That’s right, I opted out of further mailings. I didn’t sell secrets to the Soviet Union. I haven’t written a pinko screenplay as propaganda. Geez, people. I’m all for America! I have spoken out against the evils of the Cold War! I watch the Colbert Report. What more do you want?

(Other than rooting for America’s team, that is.)