Less is More, Sayeth Al Gore

Let’s keep things rolling here on YAB’s Post-Partum Comeback Tour with the beginnings of our coverage of the 79th Annual Academy Awards, and more importantly, Oscar Party IV.

Waking up on the morning of an Oscar Sunday is indeed an exciting one. Sure, there’s plenty of work to do until the only real official party I throw all year commences, but you’ve got to enjoy the anticipation or you’ll never get anything done. On the West Coast, the very same thing is happening near the Kodak Theatre, as AMPAS rolls out the red carpet and makes sure their preparations are final. It’s pretty similar for me in Fairfax, except for one minor detail.

The snow.

I spent the drive to church surveying the damage that Mother Nature was concurrently wreaking on the DC Area, and it didn’t look good. My friends drive an Army of Civics – not exactly upstate NY road warrior vehicles. And with a guest list of near 30 folks, I was running the numbers through my head as to expected turnout. For the record, we had a strong 17. 17 people who favor Cinema over being stuck in their driveways. Bravo to those who made the trek. Now if it snows in downtown Hollywood on Oscar Sunday, event planners wouldn’t be doing these mental calculations or devising contingencies.

They’d be busy preparing for the Armageddon.

So what could our Snow Heroes expect upon making it to the Billiard Room of my esteemed apartment complex?

A chance to watch the Oscars in good company. Overall, it was a strong telecast. Ellen, while slightly flat in her monologue, was solid. She relied more on wit and candor than pre-produced comedic pieces, and it seemed to work in a room of the powerful. Her best joke of the night was the Oscar Baby Bjorn. Her worst? The vacuum gag in the ninth hour of the telecast.

Yes, it was a little long. Last year, the awards started at 8 and they ended right before 12. This year we pushed it back a half-hour, and it ended before 12:30. In essence, the telecasts were the same length – so why did this one drag? It’s all in the pacing. Too many of their strongest ideas – the Ferrell/Reilly/Black trio, the Scorsese and Eastwood gags, the interpretive dancers, the sound effects symphony – all came through in the first 90 minutes. It got the show off to a rousing start, but left little in the tank for the homestretch. The In Memoriam should be a high point – instead people were checking their watches (11:50) instead of honoring Altman, Boyle, and Knotts. I have no problem with two special awards (the humanitarian one was actually quite good), but to roll out Celine Dion to honor Morcone? Yipes. All in all, 10:00 to 11:30 had too few awards, too many montages, and no real surprises.

(If anyone ever decides the best way to honor me is to have Celine Dion sing to me, the words “marked man” come to mind.)

But I still enjoyed it, as did the attendees of Oscar Party IV.

In place of last year’s Sequeled Song Bee, Spud and I flipped to a script and held a Quote Bee instead. The twist? All quotes were read by the robotic timbre of my computer, Attica. There’s a cheap freeware program out there that will read anything you copy to the clipboard. And there’s nothing like a Stephen Hawking-esque voice reading delivering Bill Pullman’s speech from Independence Day to bring down the house. Congrats to Justin Miller, who took a Raising Arizona quote to the victory.

And with 17 horses coming out of the gate, it was a photo finish at the very end that crowned Oscar Party Co-Host Spud Mellor the Champion of OPIV. Had Babel taken Best Picture, Jasen Andersen would be our victor; instead, Yaz settles for his third Top 3 in three years.

Here are the final standings for another great year of Oscar Party. Hopefully next year, we’ll be able to expand it in a townhouse of our own.

Name // No. Correct // Total Points // OPIII Finish
1. SPUDler’s List // 14 // 45 // 6th
2. The Wizard of YAZ // 16 // 42 // 2nd
3. JONdhi // 13 // 41 // NA
4. French CONDONection // 13 // 40 // 3rd
5.ALLISON’s Quiet on the Western Front // 12 // 38 // NA
T-6. My Fair LIGGETT // 12 // 37 // 20th
T-6. NORD of the Rings // 11 // 37 // 11th
T-8. Forrest GRIMMp // 13 // 36 // 10th
T-8. JACQUESy // 12 // 36 // 9th
10. Million DARKER Baby // 10 // 34 // 14th
11. FERRIots of Fire // 10 // 32 // 1st
12. Greatest SHARPE on Earth // 9 // 29 // 14th
13. Driving Miss KATIE // 8 // 26 // 8th
14. Mrs. MiniVIEHWEG // 8 // 24 // 14th
15. aMATTIAS // 7 // 21 // 13th
16. SHAYespeare in Love // 6 // 17 // NA
17. Saving Private PRETZ // 2 // 9 // NA