I'm No Superman, Part 2

The following events and dialogue transpired in the mid-afternoon Tuesday, February 13, 2007. Because of the looming ice storm, the regularly scheduled employees of INOVA Fair Oaks Hospital were unable to make it in. In their place, the cast of TV’s Scrubs, at the end of their unexpected shift.

JD: Now that the Janitor has let me with no real news as to the well-being of Katie and Chris, not to mention no pretzel to eat for lunch, it may come as no surprise that when it comes to the miracle of birth, I have as much know-how as Dr. Kelso has tact with our nursing staff
Dr. Kelso: Good afternoon, ladies. I’d ask how you all are doing, really I would, but it’s that I’m old and then that information as to how you are, which I don’t give a damn about, would enter my brain and push important medical knowledge out. Surely, you understand.
Carla: Of course, Dr. Kelso. Can I get you a coffee?
Dr. Kelso: Why, that would be lovely!
Turk: Baby, did you just inject pudding into Kelso’s coffee?
Carla: Why yes. That’s right. I did.
Turk: That’s my girl!!! So uh, have you gotten a chance to sew those Hot Poc-
Carla: Can I get you a coffee?
Turk: Why sur-wait a minute.
JD: As I walked into the delivery room, with all the carefree spirit of a brand new baby, I looked at my watch – 3:43 PM. Which meant I also was looking at a brand new baby. Hello there, what’s your little girl’s name?
Chris Condon: It’s Clara Grace.
JD: I love that name. Dr. Cox says Clara is my Monday name, and he uses Grace on every other Thursday.
Chris: That’s really nice. You know I loved you in Garden State.
JD: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Chris: Sure you do – you’re Zach Braff, and you’re a talented writer/actor/director. A real triple threat. Of course, this is nonwithstanding that silly romantic comedy you spit out last fall – what was that about?
JD: No, see my nametag? My name is J.D. I have no idea what picture you are referring to, unless it’s to my feature film hospital drama debut, Dr. Acula.
Katie: Uh, guys?
Chris and JD: What?
Chris: Oh, I’m so sorry, honey – it’s just not every day that Zach Braff-
JD: It’s just not every day that JOHN DORIAN-
Chris: - whatever – look man – it’s not about who you are or are not pretending to be – it’s about my wife and my new baby girl and or new family. Hell, you’re not even supposed to be here today.
Dr. Cox: Well, bravo there, Tall Man – no I mean really, that was an excellent Super Daddy moment you just laid on us. I think I head that speech on a Hallmark Special just last week – this of course doesn’t mean that I actually watch Hallmark Specials but rather I am using it as an example for all new fathers who feel they can conquer the world, but have to start with overstepping Newbies that just don’t know where to stop and instead annoy us all with their inner monologue. Man, it’s times like these where you wonder why I just cross my arms like so and speak in massive run-on sentences. (Pauses) Or not.
JD: (cue some obscure mellow song by The Shins or Death Cab) Yes, it’s the miracle of life and it happens every day at the hospital. The parents are always changing and the babies are always crying, but it’s beautiful and it’s why I got into medicine. Granted, who knows when I’ll take that leap into fatherhood, since I plan to spend another 3 seasons pining over Elliott, but c’est la vie.

(later)
Katie: I can’t believe she’s actually here, in my arms.
Chris: I can’t believe Zach Braff helped deliver our child.