The Bible Beltway

Hey pharmacist, shouldn’t you be behind the register?

The longest weekly duration of time I experience on Washington D.C.’s Capitol Beltway is the period on Wednesday nights when I drive from Tyson’s Corner to Alexandria in order to attend my two enthralling grad courses. As far as the Beltway goes, the stretch from 9 o’clock to 5 o’clock on the Outer Loop isn’t the worst, and I can usually get there in about a half an hour. There are some things I expect to see on the drive – cars, trucks, wrecks in effect, everything that makes rush hour fun. Yesterday, something new caught my eye to break up the monotony of reading license plates and listening to the Nationals on the radio.

Off to the side of the road was a disabled sedan. Didn’t looked wrecked, or even mildly dented. Regardless, it was unable to participate in the 5’o clock vehicular conga line. However, the sedan was able to quickly put back on its dancing shoes thanks to help from a peculiar source: a white CVS van. CVS? The convenience pharmacy? Really?

Then I did my homework.

According to their website, for the past twenty years CVS has taken it upon themselves to provide an extra service to the people who buy shampoo and shaving cream from them (Heck, even those who don’t. They don’t track these things.) Their company overhead is not spent on fancy luxury cars for executive management, but on economy size white vans for emergency roadside response. The CVS employees who drive these “CVS Samaritan Vans” have job qualifications far above manning the register: trained mechanics, EMTs, and crisis counseling. And apparently, they’re Samaritans. Who knew?

Then I did more homework.

The Samaritans are best known for their work in biblical times. It’s amazing that this nomadic people have migrated and evolved into popular pharmacy chain employees. According to the website, they currently help 38,000 motorists a year. That’s pretty impressive for a group who when first formed couldn’t afford vans and had to do everything on camel or donkey. So not only should there have been pasta bars in Ancient Egypt, there apparently were CVS franchises in Samaria. Need proof? I would like to cite the Gospel according to Luke, Chapter 10. It reads:

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"

"What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?"

He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'

"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."

But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?"

In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when his donkey became tired and passed out on the side of the road. He was on his way to a wedding in Cana where food was to rumored to be infinitely plentiful. However, he was without both. In the distance a pharmacy clerk appeared over the horizon. Knowing of the legendary good-natured ways, the man became very excited to see the Samaritan. The CVS employee took pity on him. He went to him and offered what he had in his sack. The Samaritan gave the man assorted hair products, some magazines, and gum. Confused, the man said, “Sir, I thank you for your generosity, but none of these products will help my ailing animal. The Samaritan then put on a red vest and offered to develop his photographs for him. Even more confused, the man kindly explained that cameras won’t be invented for a couple of millennia. The Samaritan understood. He then filled a prescription for vitamin supplements for the donkey and gave the animal a basket of half-price Easter candy. The man was grateful for the munificence of the CVS employee.

"Why do you think the CVS Samaritan was such a giving stranger?"

The expert in the law replied, "Because he who had mercy on the man." Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise."