You're killin' me, Smalls

For post Number 2 on National YABDay, we have a very special treat for you all. Because of the overwhelming success we had with our ground-breaking interview, Dial N for Nordberg, we've decided to delve into the investigative arena once more. Today YABNews sits and talks with Mattias Caro, frequent commenter, Flailin' Chilean, and Washington DC native. Mattias was fortunate enough to attend the Washington Nationals home opener on April 14, and we here at YAB are the first to speak to him on the matter. Mr. Caro, how are you doing today?

Mattias Caro: Chris, first of all, allow me to thank you today for coming all the way out to Leesburg to see me. Let me also extend thanks to all of your readers who have come today to my office to continue our dialogue on how to make this great nation of ours a place where all orphaned baseball teams are welcomed. With your support, I guarantee that no third baseman will be left behind.

YAB: Well, I'm sure if Vinny Castilla is reading right now, he'd be glad to know how you feel. According to our records, 1971 was the last time baseball had been played in DC. Also, according to our records, in 1971 you were -9 and your parents weren't even in the United States yet. With that said, what do you remember about the old Washington Senators?

MC: As a transplanted Washingtonian, you, my friend, probably realize the value that our sports' institutions have been to the greater fabric of our city. And though I cannot expect you to become enlightened and support all of our franchises, you know the glory and pride our consistently losing teams bring to our city. The Washington Senators were part of that glorious tradition and I'm glad to support their reincarnation.

YAB: Fair enough. YAB has roots in Philly, so I understand. And also being from Philly, I know what it's like to play baseball in an archaic concrete ugly behemoth of a stadium. Which flows into my next question. Baseball at RFK? Is it a better venue than anything Montreal or Puerto Rico can offer? Carlos Carlos Carlos?

MC: As you know, RFK has a long and proud history of inspiring championship glory. The Redskins saw their rise from the ashes on that hallowed field with the likes of Lombardi, Allen and Gibbs. And in the 1990's Washington's futbol teams have combined for four championships within its hallowed confines. Frank Robinson and RFK are an incredible combination.

YAB: Yes, you can't spell Frank without RFK. But has the ownership made this look like a real ballpark? Or will Brad Wilkerson be forced to field fly balls while avoiding DC United's corner flags?

MC: If you've been to the game, you'll see the field has four bases, two bullpens, two foul pools, and one heck of a pitching mound. The hot dogs and beer are an All-American staple. Doesn't get more real than that. Wilkerson's going to love his field of dreams.

YAB: Ok, moving on. You were in attendance of the home opener against the Arizona Diamondbacks. I have a three part question for you: Who won, what was the score, and in one word only, explain the infield fly rule to the readers.

MC: I'm not going to lie to you Chris, the real winners that day were the city of DC and its long-suffering fans. I saw a young boy, about ten years of age walking out wearing a nationals jersey, hold a pennant in one hand and his other arm was wrapped around his father. That is baseball, that is America. We're the real winners. And as for your infield fly rule, I say this: out!

YAB: So according to Mr. Caro, even when the Expos don't lose, they aren't winners. Which reminds me, you do realize you've inherited the MONTREAL EXPOS, right? What has the team done to try and make people forget that?

MC: We haven't inherited a team. We've adopted a new member into our glorious Washington Sports' tradition. When our team goes out, they are the Nationals. They wear Natianls uniforms, the proudly sport a "W" on their hats, and the emblem of DC baseball dons their shoulders. I tell ya, Livan can really pitch one helluva game and Vinny and Jose have got some kick to their bat. It's gonna be a great season.

YAB: Ah yes, bat kicking. A secret weapon, I presume. I've also heard that the mascot has been officially unveiled, and it's an Eagle named Screech. In your honest opinion, which of SBTB's Bayside teachers would have been the best teacher to have for a class?

MC: Chris, as you know, Save by the Bell represents the best our American public education system has to offer. Bayside produces an all around well-rounded student capable of competing in today's global economy. I'm proud to say I'd gladly study with any of Bayside's fine, selfless, and dedicated educators.

YAB: I'm sorry, the correct answer was Mr. Tuttle. Ok, I better wrap this up, I’m on deadline. Mattias, it’s been a pleasure sitting with you today, even if we are in Leesburg (the land that time forgot). One final question: if the Arizona Diamondbacks played the kids in The Sandlot, what would the final score be?

MC: Don't mess with the Sandlot. It'd be a great game, hard fought.
Everyone would come out a winner.

YAB: So let’s recap. In today’s interview, the D-Backs, the city of DC, Benny, Ham, Squints, Yeah-Yeah, Smalls, Timmy, Tommy, Bertram, and DeNunez have all been declared winners. Everyone but the Washington Nationals. Matty, thanks for your time.

MC: You’re a time.