Leafy Green Sovreignty

I totally understand that this planet on which we live is far bigger and expansive than I will ever truly grasp. Each time I board an airplane for some new part of the Earth, I know that there’s thousands of airports I will never step foot in (I also know that said airports will have enough Starbucks coffee in them to fill an Air Bus…or 12.) And while I’m cool with not getting a full sampling of the globe’s terminals in my lifetime, I would still like to think that I am globally conscious of its scope and magnitude.

From a very young age, I have been interested in geography. If for no other reason than the Olympics’ Opening Ceremonies is far cooler if you know where nations are, I like to think that I’ve hold a sufficient working knowledge of national borders and the countries they delineate. Without looking at a United Nations’ roster, I feel that I could rattle off an easy 140 nations, without really trying. (But then again, I could dictate to you 30 varieties of cheese and every professional sports team in the U.S. – my brain lives operates in list form.) Don’t ask me to do all three, though – you’ll soon realize that there’s bound to be unintentional crossover – like the Tanzanian Muenster Sox.

However, I feel that I’m slipping. Today, I think I stumbled upon a country that I did not even realize existed. And we’re not talking “Spielberg-invents-country-for-new-movie” type nation, either. Nor did I find out about it on some sneaky CNN News Ticker. No, apparently the vogue manner in which to announce your newly-formed republic is in subliminal advertising. Here’s what I read on a cafeteria poster downstairs this morning.

“Now Serving Every Day – Fresh Vegetorian Lunches!”

Now this is where my four years of undergraduate education comes in – with a little deductive reasoning. Now while I understand that all of God’s people are deserving of lunch, I find it peculiar that I’ve never met a Vegetorian. Where would I even begin to look for one?

Germans are from Germany…
Romanians are from Romania…
The Swiss are from Swisstonia…
Italians are from Italy…
And that means Vegetorians must be from…ah HA!

VEGETORIA!

Excited about by newfound discovery, I looked around for more facts on the UN’s best kept secret. Starting there, I found that the United Nations does not fully recognize Vegetoria as a member state just yet. The UN, unbeknownst to most, operates just like a big league ball club. A new nation is going to have to endure the rookie hazing that comes with being called up to the big show. It’s just a shame that the diplomatic equivalent of “hot foot” requires the Security Council sending you a schedule for “Daily Time Zone Adjustments,” as they convince the boys in Greenwich to turn your clocks to and fro.

Vegetoria is, obviously, a nation that thrives on agriculture and the complete absence of livestock. Upon settlement, the ancient Vegetorians hunted pig and cattle alike, but not for sport or survival. Instead, chasing the poor farm animals across the green landscape into foreign lands has become an annual tradition and national holiday.

Also, while their language of choice is largely English, words typically associated with meat products have been omitted from traditional words and replaced with the letters Z-I-N-G. This holds true even for the Prime Minister’s estate, Buckingzing Palace. Hey, monarchy’s not a bad place to start when national credibility is at steak – I mean zing – no I mean stake. Phew.

I had no idea my company had much of a footing in Vegetoria’s economy, but at least they can be satisfied that lunch is now served.