Yesterday, we had a little chat about occupations that really cannot afford a quick sprint to the water cooler, as the darkest parts of the Bible would rain down without someone manning that particular post. Today, we’d like to take this discussion in the complete opposite direction, taking an introspective look into a position that has proved as functional as track and field’s “Javelin Catcher.”
Ouch.
While its goal is not to make money, but rather to teach young minds, today’s education system must run like a business. And structurally speaking, it’s hierarchy isn’t that far off. A Superintendent of Schools and his respective Board of Ed operate no differently than a CEO and his Board of Directors – looking for ways to make large-scale impacts on the teaching arena and its capabilities. I’m not saying that the B of E cruises to and from the all-school musical or varsity football game in their corporate jet – but the similarities are strong.
The teaching staff serve as the heart of the organization – there job is to carry out the creation, implementation, and delivery of their product – Book-Learnin’. There are other functions I’m sure that support staff can be paralleled to – the school nurse is technical support, the hall monitors are internal audit, and so on. But no organization is complete in the modern economy without their trusty wing of Human Resources. Sure, I wanted to recruit pirates for these positions – but in a school, that would scare the clientele. It’s no secret even though they are deemed an essential cog in the corporate machine, most companies are not pleased with their HR departments. It was Dilbert fodder for years. And it is with this high-level of indifference and ineffectiveness that I have identified the HR arm of today’s education system. That’s right.
The High School Guidance Counselor.
Now, I’m sure there are diamonds in the rough. Employees who have been hired to mentor and assist the youth of today with plenty of resources for counseling, record keeping, and career advising. And do a good job. Some people will tell you stories of high school guidance counselors that have changed their lives in a truly impressive and dramatic fashion. Some people can share stories of their H.S.G.C. being their one true friend in the mean halls of teenage life.I am so not one of those people.
No, friends, my guidance counselor did little to launch me to my state in society. In fact, he did everything he could to dull my senses to a point where I would have been fine watching Martha Stewart’s TV show. One such example of our delightful meetings has been reprinted below. Permissions were not obtained, and we don’t really care.
Names have been changed to protect the oblivious.
Condon: Hey there Mr. Mister, you called for me?
HSGC: Yes, Chris! Come in, come in, please have a seat in my lunchbox of an office!
Condon: Sure, what has it been, two full years since you last wanted to speak with me? What’s up?
HSGC: Well, Chris, I’ve been proactive in the last few weeks and have been reviewing your impressive file…
Condon: Uh, thank you, I think?
HSGC: Yes, everything really looks in order – wow, even an A in Mrs. Newman’s Honors English – very nice. But unfortunately, Chris, I am afraid I have some terrible news for you, and I hate to be the one who has to break it to you…
Condon: Oh, really? Did something happen?
HSGC: No, no, everybody’s ok. But it’s about you, it seems. I know it’s April, and you are really looking forward to your days beyond Shawnee, but Chris, well, how do I say this, you’re going to be 1 class short of graduating with your classmates. I’m so sorry.
Condon: (pauses). Um, Mr. Mister? I’m only a junior.
HSGC: Oh, right. I knew that.
Condon: Sigh.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
The Anti-Gooooaaaliieee...
Written by Chris Condon at 7:06 AM
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3 comments:
did you have the same HSGC as I did? Cause if you did...OH MY GOD!!! I think he told me I should be like a forrest ranger or something based upon the classes I took. If you consider AP english a "outdoors class" then yes.
Silly GC's.
My mom had to go in for a meeting with my guidance counselor before my senior year (it was mandatory for some reason for them to start helping kids with the college application process). At any rate, the GC insisted to my mother that I would not be able to get into either W&M or UVA (my top choices) due to my "struggling" GPA. Apparently the discussion went along this track for about 10 minutes. My mom was finally like "Excuse me? Sara has above a 4.0." And the GC said, "Wait, whose mom are you?" Apparently, having all the M-Z kids was too much for her.
Although no high school guidance counselor problems, per se, for Mike or I, we did get thrown into speech classes on two occasions as youngsters due to our constant moves between the northeast and Indiana as kids. Oh, and Mike was told once he had a learning disability. Mike, by the way, finished #1 in our high school class of 800 and fixes nuclear submarines now. Run in fear, the disability is bound to catch up with him sooner or later, and then, kaboom. You know, he'll probably confuse the ICBM launch button for the toilet handle.
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