Nice and Sweet

(This is the fourth of four stories from YAB Editor-in-Chief Chris Condon’s “Island in the YAB” vacation. Enjoy.)

The United States is an incredible place to call home. All those who have been fortunate to been born here are truly lucky. Your basic needs are well-tended to, you live in the world’s capital for film, professional team sports (save soccer), and popular music, and no one expects you to understand the rules to cricket. I’m sure there are those auxiliary reasons like the freedoms of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, too, but that’s just gravy under the bridge. Heck, in America, we bloggers can even butcher age-old expressions and get away with it.

But speaking of getting away, cruising through customs in hopes of foreign conquest is also a sobering reminder that stepping outside of the American Way can also be fun. And on a beautiful island like St. Lucia, a change in local attitudes can be as refreshing as Martin Lawrence doing a movie where he doesn’t play a law enforcement officer or a criminal.

First off, no one is in any hurry to do anything. The day isn’t about what you have to get done. It’s about the time in between those tasks that need accomplishing. The local people of St. Lucia don’t fill up their Things-To-Do List like a game of Jenga – their outlook is far more Candyland. Also, they made it clear that everything is in fact bigger in America. The food portions are smaller – which means you can try many different things rather than being full by the time the entrée makes an appearance. And sure, I would have preferred the doorways to be about a foot taller, but I’m just a tourist. (My poor head.)

On our first morning there, we attended an orientation for the resort. No one was wearing bright yellow t-shirts and setting up lofts, so I knew this would be different. Instead, I was wearing a t-shirt and bathing suit, sitting at 10 AM in an air-conditioned island bar with a drink in hand listening to the staff tell us who’s who and what’s where. But most important, he relayed to us the mantra of the week. Ok class, repeat after the computer screen your reading right now:

“No Pressure, No Problems”

And said tune is best exemplified in the following employee profiles.

1 – Robert the Bartender – Robert, the regular barkeep up at the swim-up bar up on the Bluff had the mentality of a Jersey diner waitress with the personality of a gentle old man. Let me explain. In order to acquire a tasty beverage on Robert’s watch, you had to order what you wanted while being half-submerged in pool water. He would take your order and head to the bottles…and return with something completely different than what you had asked for. Want a Jack and Coke? Ok, try this frozen drink I’ve made just for you. Robert wanted to give you his own island experience, even if it meant “bringing the pancakes when you wanted eggs.” No problems.

2 – The Burger Queen – Just down the path from the main pool, the Southwestern-themed outdoor restaurant doubled as a Beach Grill during the afternoon. And if it was a burger or hot dog you wanted, then you were left face-to-face with…yeah…the Burger Queen. A happy woman who constantly sang as she flipped (burgers, not herself), every time you talked to her she explained that the customer did not want McDonalds, did not want KFC, and especially not the Burger King. The only person who could take care of your hunger on vacation – Ms. B.Q. herself. (Although I did find it odd there was a KFC on the island – do St. Lucians even know where Kentucky is?) No pressure.

3 – Kimonos’ Dragon – One of the ultra-swank restaurants to dine at was a Japanese steakhouse dubbed “Kimonos.” And inside, was a show-chef named Dexter. Dexter was as Japanese as Moon Pies are lunar, but he had the showmanship to make a two hour meal fly by. Loved his job, loved his own jokes, and loved lighting things on fire. Personal opinion – if you can maintain a smile (and your eyebrows) while playing culinary pyromaniac six nights a week, then you’ve got it pretty good. In the words of Dexter himself, “Nice and Sweet.”

Indeed.